This woman dealt with the situation silently on her own. She was trying to make it bearable and decided to sacrifice her own sexual pleasure to have an, otherwise, wonderful man in her life. She reported that she rarely even self-satisfied with masturbation because her house was never quiet, with two young kids running around. This woman was starving for sexual satisfaction causing an underlying irritant that was affecting her whole life.
She needed help. We strategized and part of that was convincing her that she did not need to show up for him in the bedroom, if he was not going to show up for her. Furthermore, this situation was not this man's fault. Although it stemmed from his actions initially, she dropped the ball on communication. He didn't know what she needed. She no longer looked forward to sex. Ironically, he did every day. They had sex every day.
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She finally told him, "I don't look forward to sex with you. I do it mostly for you. I take the physical closeness from it and that's it. This has been going on for over a year, and I want more." She explained that she likes sex and loved him like no other. But, the situation was leaving her feeling deprived, resentful and unhappy most of the time. 18 Ways To Beat Complacency In A Long-Term Relationship
Imagine his shock and disappointment when he found out she had been dreading sex. At first, he tried to be understanding and accepting, with his bruised ego. Then he became upset, defensive and distant. But, his distance didn't last because he knew she was hurting. Eventually, the two began to strategize on how to make their sex life a mutually satisfying endeavor.
She found out that he was always willing to please her, but didn't know how and she wasn't communicating. So, he went with what he thought and took care of what he enjoyed. Recently, she shared her regret. She wished she had said something sooner because their sex life is now better than she has ever experienced.
Sometimes it is easier to say something. Communication is key in every relationship. It is up to you to take care of your needs by telling others what they are. You don't have to attack or "nag." You just have to talk.
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