How Communication Can Save Your Sex Life

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When coaching a woman in her late thirties, I noticed a conflict going on within her that was difficult to identify. We were working together to bring more joy into her life, discover her purpose and incorporate it into her livelihood. She was ready for change. We had gone through her whole life assessment.

When touching on her relationship, she had nothing but praises to say about her man. They seemed so in love with each other. She talked about how caring and considerate he was in most of the things he did and how they would talk for hours in engaging conversation. She was a career woman, divorced and a mother of two. He was the perfect father figure for her kids. 21 UNMISTAKEABLE Signs He's Cheating On You (Dump Him, Fast!)

She mentioned, often, how loving and attentive he was. She spoke of his warm and loving touch in relation to their intimacies. Yet, every once in a while, she would say something about him where I detected hostility or sarcasm in her voice. There was trouble in paradise. 

I asked her about the occasional comments and change of tone in her voice. It took a while to get to the issue because she justified it as being a trade-off for all the good in her relationship: This woman was madly in love with a man who was not satisfying her sexually. My heart sank. She was in the relationship of a lifetime, but her sex life was lacking.

She reported that his touch was so sensual and the kissing so intense. Their foreplay was extensive, yet when it came down to her orgasms, it was usually a miss. She said she tried to talk to him about it a few times, but with no avail. 4 Ways To Live Happily Ever After

At the time of near orgasm, or right as it began, he would stop the stimulation. She was extremely frustrated at first and unable to effectively speak about it. After the second and third times, she became overtaken by rage. She wanted to scream at him, "What is wrong with you? What are you doing? Are you trying to drive me mad?" But instead, she exercised enough restraint not to verbally tear him to shreds. 

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This woman dealt with the situation silently on her own. She was trying to make it bearable and decided to sacrifice her own sexual pleasure to have an, otherwise, wonderful man in her life. She reported that she rarely even self-satisfied with masturbation because her house was never quiet, with two young kids running around. This woman was starving for sexual satisfaction causing an underlying irritant that was affecting her whole life.

She needed help. We strategized and part of that was convincing her that she did not need to show up for him in the bedroom, if he was not going to show up for her. Furthermore, this situation was not this man's fault. Although it stemmed from his actions initially, she dropped the ball on communication. He didn't know what she needed. She no longer looked forward to sex. Ironically, he did every day. They had sex every day.

She finally told him, "I don't look forward to sex with you. I do it mostly for you. I take the physical closeness from it and that's it. This has been going on for over a year, and I want more." She explained that she likes sex and loved him like no other. But, the situation was leaving her feeling deprived, resentful and unhappy most of the time. 18 Easy Ways To Make A Long-Term Relationship Feel New Again

Imagine his shock and disappointment when he found out she had been dreading sex. At first, he tried to be understanding and accepting, with his bruised ego. Then he became upset, defensive and distant. But, his distance didn't last because he knew she was hurting. Eventually, the two began to strategize on how to make their sex life a mutually satisfying endeavor.

She found out that he was always willing to please her, but didn't know how and she wasn't communicating. So, he went with what he thought and took care of what he enjoyed. Recently, she shared her regret. She wished she had said something sooner because their sex life is now better than she has ever experienced.

Sometimes it is easier to say something. Communication is key in every relationship. It is up to you to take care of your needs by telling others what they are. You don't have to attack or "nag." You just have to talk.

I invite you to contact me to support and assist you in strategy for improving or creating something more wonderful and successful in your own life.