Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

The 3 BEST Sex Positions, According To Both Men AND Women

Photo: weheartit
3 Best Sex Positions Both Men And Women Love
Sex

Now you know...*wink*.

Knowing the best sex positions can change your entire sex life… right?

The answer is not as simple and straightforward as you might think. Knowing the sex positions is just one part of the equation you need to understand to both experience and provide intense pleasure to your partner.

These four positions are sex positions that men love, the "staples" you can always have fun with. Instead of simply describing how to do each one, what "spot" (like the G-spot) each position is best for, or how flexible you have to be, I’m going to go into detail about the psychology behind why each one is a turn on.

Now, you might be wondering… what’s the point of that?

The purpose is to help you truly think about sex in a new way, so that no matter the sex position, you will have an amazing time.

Becoming an expert in 1,000 sex positions and knowing exactly where to place your legs, how much to spread your legs, or the right way to pop your butt out is less valuable than being comfortable with your sexuality. I write more about this in this article, and this is the building block many people who write about this topic seem to forget.

1. Reverse Cowgirl


Tenor

While physically intense, the emotional experience of "being a very sexual whore/slut/whatever you want to call it" is as much of a turn on to both the woman and the man.

Most men love a woman who is a "lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets", so this saying is absolutely true. For a man, watching a woman get on top of him, take charge, and just let go in the moment shows him that she loves sex.

If you go into this position viewing it as a chore, you won’t have the same magical effect on him that you will if you are going into it purely focused on your pleasure and his pleasure.

Focus on your body and the sensations you experience. Feel yourself on top of him, embrace the intensity of the moment. Do not think about anything other than what physical movements are happening as you control how deep he penetrates you.

Do not try to "get it over with." Instead, bask in each moment. Draw it out for as long as you can, going slowly, changing the pace, rubbing the tip of his penis against you teasing him so much his brain can’t handle it anymore.

For a man, being able to relax and actually sit back and enjoy sex while the woman does the work is a very relieving and hot experience.

This shows him that you want it and some men are always nervous on some level that the woman does not really want sex the way he does.

For the woman, this is psychologically thrilling for the woman because she is able to be "dirty" and be a very sexual being. You’re not only in the dominant role, controlling the situation, but are not even facing him. It’s not romantic; this is sex in its most lustful form.

2. Girl On Top


Tumblr

This is very similar to the reverse cowgirl in many ways but different in the fact that you can look at him in the eyes and actually see his face. He can also see the reactions to the sex on your face. When you are lost in the experience, it shows on your face. He will be extremely turned on by this visual.

Seeing your face is as much if not more of a turn on for many men than even seeing your body (though I'm not saying seeing your body is not a turn on).

I want to make a comment on the "best sex positions" articles out there: I cannot believe how many positions exist.

3. Doggy Style


Weheartit

Why is doggy style so popular and such a common sex position? Because both men and women love it.

The psychology behind it is that you will be submissive and he will be in the dominant role. Being on all "fours" is very carnal, animalistic, and instinctual. And what is sex? Exactly that.

This position represents the fact that society often conditions us to view sex as some mysterious and confusing "thing" that has to be figured out. All these fears are based on social constructions not reality.

Sex is animalistic. Letting the purely animalistic side out will make you feel free. If you feel free, you are much more likely to go with the flow of the moment. You’re much more likely to be in sync with him.

The need to be in sync makes memorizing sex positions problematic. If he isn’t going along with your movements, you’re screwed and not in a good way.

If you learn that being animalistic and relying on instinct is key, you’re going to have amazing sex (and even if you don’t, it won’t bug you or drive you nuts).

Knowing the "best sex positions" doesn't matter much because overthinking sucks.

Fixating on sex position labels creates an "overthink" mentality. The idea behind obsessing about what technique to use and trying to learn many theatrical performance type sex positions in order satisfy someone is a potentially destructive habit.

I said potentially for a reason, because the truth is, it's good to be informed and it can even be helpful.

Chores aren't fun and memorization makes sex a chore. It’s discouraging to think you have to memorize the Kama Sutra and a million positions to be good in bed. It's actually destructive not helpful when you try to mold your sexuality to fit some ideal of what you feel it mean

Instinct is key. Remember this: long ago, cavemen walked around and somehow magically managed to mate, reproduce, and procreate. Babies were made before we had a hundred labels describing unique positions.

Confusion isn't helpful. Imagine this: You are in bed next to a man who turns you on. A lot. You’re really aroused and can’t help it. You are almost embarrassed by how turned on you are and yet, you feel shy or scared of actually having sex. It’s not like you haven’t had sex before, but your desire and brain are fighting each other.

With all that said, don’t think that trying new sex positions is a bad idea! Experiment! Variety is key.

The founders of Vixen Daily have gotten tired of seeing the same old, typical, run-of-the-mill advice being given to women from all corners of the internet, which is where Nick Bastion & Erin Elizabeth come in to only offer truthful, helpful and honest advice. Contact Nick: nick@vixendaily.com and Erin at erin@vixendaily.com.

 

Author
Expert

Expert advice

Save your breath because you only need two words to make him commit.
Are you REALLY thinking about their happiness?
If you keep finding yourself in heartbreaking, dead end relationships, listen up.
It seems like you can't do anything right.
Contributor