Where Are All the Good Men?

By

Where Are All the Good Men?
I asked myself this question when I was dating and trying desperately to find a man to marry.

I asked myself this question over and over again when I was dating and trying desperately to find a man to marry. For years I was a magnet for men who weren’t good for me, men who were not the marrying kind. I couldn’t stop myself from dating them and getting involved in unfulfilling and unhealthy relationships. I felt like a victim, a walking target for men who were narcissistic, self-centered and cruel.

Then one day I had a wake-up call. I got involved with a particularly cold and aloof man. He acted charming when we were out socially, but when we alone he would become another person. I didn’t know there was this other side to him until it was too late. At first he acted like a gentlemen, he was very attentive to my needs and concerned about making me happy. But within a few months his real personality started to emerge, but by this time I was already “hooked in.” I didn’t realize that his treatment of me had changed the way I thought about myself. I got used to feeling unhappy and worthless around him.

He was sullen and uncommunicative, making it seem like his unhappiness was somehow my fault. I often got the silent treatment, and could not coax him out of his darkness. I was at a loss as I got sucked deeper and deeper into his dark world. A part of me knew that being in love is supposed to feel good, so I kept trying to make our relationship “work.” But I couldn’t do it by myself, it takes two, so I’d end up being dragged into his bad moods and negativity and I’d lose myself.

Fortunately, I had a good woman friend who finally took me out to dinner and challenged me to look at my life. She pointed out how much I had changed over the past months, so much so that I had to admit it was true. This is what she observed about me:

• I stopped being social
• I had no time for my friends
• I was always tense
• I seemed perpetually distracted
• I seemed sad

She reminded me that life was too short to be stuck in a miserable relationship with a cold and heartless man. This woke me up and after going through a lot of angst and self-doubt, I broke up with him. It was hard for me, but he didn’t seem to care that much -- more validation that I was doing the right thing.

Keep reading...

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach

My book,  "It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams" is available for instant download. It will teach you the 6 essential steps you need to go from single to married to the right man for you!

Join my email community and recieve my free MP3 "Letting Love In."

Apply for your complimentary "Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session."

 

Location: Phoenix, AZ
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Virginia Clark:

If He's Pulling Away, Do This

By

There's nothing worse than feeling a man’s interest start to slip away. The last thing you want to face is that his feelings for you may be waning, so all too often we lose our sanity and panic at the first sign he's withdrawing. When we're in this fearful place, we become insecure. We assume that his pulling away is because of us, so we ... Read more

How To Move On From Fear To Find The Love You Deserve

By

We all have fears. Some are obvious and easy to identify, but others can hide just below the surface of our awareness. Nothing will bring out our hidden fears faster than when we are in a relationship. When given the possibility of falling in love they can take over, and many times we don't recognize what's going on. When fears play out in our ... Read more

Stop Making Excuses And Start Finding Love

By

I've heard many excuses from women telling why they can't find a man to love. I understand where they're coming from; there was a time when I had plenty of excuses myself. But making excuses for why you can't find a partner is dangerous to your love life. It will not only keep love away from you, it will cause you a lot of unhappiness. Here ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB