Are You Doing CPR in Your Relationship?


Are You Doing CPR in Your Relationship?
If you didn't make things happen would your relationship fall apart?

Are you doing all the work in your relationships? Do you feel that if you didn’t make things happen everything would fall apart? I call this doing CPR in your relationship, something I was an expert in for the first 20 years of my dating life. It's when you get stuck constantly trying to revive your connection with a man for fear that if you stop, the connection could die.

This is an all too common problem because your natural tendency will be to try to make things happen. Most likely you're "a doer" and "a giver." I bet you're always there for your friends and family whenever there's a need. It's tempting to take care of others because it feels good to know you're helping people and to think that they need you; but in a romantic relationship it will be the destroyer of lasting love.

How do you know if you're doing CPR in your relationships? Well for one, you try to keep things running smoothly. You are hyper-vigilant about taking care of the details, so you don't rock the boat. Your man's comfort and wellbeing are your priority at the expense of your own.

Here are some typical CPR indicators that you may recognize:

~ You feel on edge and unable relax around a man

~ You feel exhausted and stressed most of the time

~ You constantly worry about the future and how things should be

What does it look like when you are always the "doer?”

~ You make all the decisions around your social life

~ You initiate most of the communication: phone calls, email and texting

~ You make sure he’s feeling comfortable at all times

~ You're the first to be affectionate; and tend to cling

~ You pay attention to his feelings while ignoring your own

~ You feel responsible for everything that happens

What can do to stop being a doer? The first thing you will have to do is to stop giving your relationship CPR. It is hurting you more than you know. It is depleting your energy and chipping away at your self-confidence. You've actually been keeping your relationship alive with the strength of your will and your very breath.

It’s time to take it off life support, to see if your relationship can breathe on its own. Time to stand back and wait to see what happens.

It won’t be easy; you will be leaving your comfort zone of being a doer and always in control. It may help for you to take a short trip away where you can be out of touch and do some self care to replenish yourself.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach

My book,  "It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams" is available for instant download. It will teach you the 6 essential steps you need to go from single to married to the right man for you!

Join my email community and recieve my free MP3 "Letting Love In."

Apply for your complimentary "Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session."


Location: Phoenix, AZ
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Virginia Clark:

"Who Am I?" Find Love By Getting Real


If you don't know who you are, you're in danger of becoming what a man wants you to be. This was one of the biggest challenges I had to overcome before I could find true love. It's really about knowing your value as a woman. It's about being aware of what you bring to the table in a relationship and, more importantly, in a marriage. I'm ... Read more

The Truth About Getting Older


Almost every woman is trying to look younger than her years. We go to the movies and our favorite stars look strangely unfamiliar. Actresses we’ve enjoyed watching over time suddenly lose the unique look that made us fall in love with them. We see a face that hasn’t changed in 30 years and can’t help but be distracted looking for the telltale ... Read more

If He's Pulling Away, Do This


There's nothing worse than feeling a man’s interest start to slip away. The last thing you want to face is that his feelings for you may be waning, so all too often we lose our sanity and panic at the first sign he's withdrawing. When we're in this fearful place, we become insecure. We assume that his pulling away is because of us, so we ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular