I'd like to share a section from my book, “It’s Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and The Marriage of Your Dreams.” Let it lead you to explore your first interactions with men; there may be a gold mine of information waiting for you to discover!
My First Kiss
Not all of your behaviors can be traced back to personal experience. You may find that as a child you learned how to interact with men through observation. As children we are very suggestible to the world around us and we pick up things that appeal to us without knowing why.
I uncovered this memory of my first real kiss when I was taking an inventory of my relationship history. I was surprised to see how early I began to sabotage my relationships with men.
My first big crush was on a red headed boy in my fourth grade class. He teased me incessantly and I responded by saying mean things to him, trying not to show him how much I really liked him. It was the first time I was aware that a boy could so strongly affect my behavior. My attention was drawn to him whenever he was around. I had never been kissed, and more than anything, I wanted him to kiss me, just like I had seen in the movies.
One recess he asked me to follow him down to the school basement. It was very exciting to sneak away from everyone to a forbidden area. When we got there, he asked me if he could kiss me. I couldn't believe he actually asked me first, I could hardly contain myself. Looking back I see he was a gentleman in the making.
I was eager and flustered and managed to nod my head "yes." I closed my eyes and tilted my head sideways as I'd seen many actresses do. He planted a tender, tentative kiss on my lips. Before I could think, my eyes flew open and I slapped him hard across his cheek and called out, "Fresh!"
I had seen this in a movie and I figured it was the proper way for a woman to respond. It also felt good, like he couldn't put anything over on me, I was in control.
His face turned such a bright red it covered his freckles. He looked like I had just told him his dog was dead. He was in shock; being slapped was something he was totally unable to process. He had bravely extended himself and I lashed out and hurt him for it. He ran away from me as fast as he could.
After that he ignored me, no more teasing and, sadly, no more kissing.
I had forgotten this experience, however, when I finally remembered and wrote it down, I realized I had been antagonistic towards men from the beginning. I picked up this behavior from the movies because it spoke to me. Boys made me feel weak and I wanted to feel powerful. I had to defend myself around them and be careful not to let down my guard.
This was just one of the multitude of things I had to change about myself before I could finally get married.
Mor on How To Kiss on YourTango: