Living Together Before Marriage: Is It For You?

By

Living Together Before Marriage: Is It For You?
Living together is considered to be more stressful than marriage

There are strong opinions about couples living together before marriage — both pro and con. Many factors need to go into that decision and there’s not one right answer for everyone.

The question of living together before marriage comes up at some point in a serious relationship. But if you’re thinking of moving in with a man you’re not engaged to in the hopes that he will come to the decision to marry you, you might want to proceed with caution.

According to The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development reports:

  • Living together is considered to be more stressful than being married.
  • Just over 50% of first cohabiting couples ever get married.
  • In the United States and in the UK, couples who live together are at a greater risk for divorce than non-cohabiting couples.
  • Couples who lived together before marriage tend to divorce early in their marriage. If their marriage last seven years, then their risk for divorce is the same as couples who didn’t cohabit before marriage.

What does this mean for you? I’m not a researcher, I can only tell you about my own life experience and what happened to me.

During my single years I lived with 3 different men. In all 3 cases I assumed that if they loved me enough to live with me — and they liked it — then certainly they would take the next step and marry me. Needless to say it never happened, in fact I never even got engaged to any of them.

These failed experiments in co-habitation were not easy on me and took their toll on my self-confidence and self-esteem. They also made me into a dishonest woman. I had to pretend that everything was fine. I didn’t tell them that I wanted more or about my feelings of dissatisfaction.

I lied to myself and I lied to them to keep the peace. I was “playing house” hoping to prove to them that I was worth marrying. I knew they loved me; I just had to show them how good our life together could be and I secretly prayed that they would “fall more in love with me” and want to marry me.

Living together before marriage requires a common vision for the future.

There’s another big draw back to living together before marriage, before making the ultimate commitment. I don’t have to tell you that to breakup with a man is hard, but when you’ve been living with him it’s even harder. You have to dismantle the lifestyle you’ve set up together. You’ve shared furniture, household bills and inevitably, one or both of you will be forced to find a new place to live.

If you’re considering living together before marriage you have to have a talk about the future. Don’t do what I did and hope he’ll come to realize he wants to marry you. This arrangement works best if you both have been honest about your expectations and agree that this is a step to making the ultimate commitment to each other.

This article was originally published at It's Never Too Late to Marry . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by

Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach

My book,  "It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams" is available for instant download. It will teach you the 6 essential steps you need to go from single to married to the right man for you!

Join my email community and recieve my free MP3 "Letting Love In."

Apply for your complimentary "Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session."

 

Location: Phoenix, AZ
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Virginia Clark:

I Paid A Psychic $5,000 To Get Me A Husband

By

When I was 42, I thought I'd met the love of my life. But at that time, all new relationships would make me anxious. I'd been disappointed in love so many times that I started second guessing my choices in men. I hoped Christopher would be different. He was my age, and like me had never been married. He lived in San Francisco and was visiting Los ... Read more

Truth Bomb: If He Wanted To Be With You, He Would!

By

It's a simple idea, right? Even an obvious one, but I admit ... I just didn't get it. Christopher had strung me along for 2 years. I lived in LA and he was in San Francisco. We were an hour apart by air, or 6 hours by car, yet we'd only seen each other twice in that time. It seems crazy now, but back then, it made sense. Well, the truth is ... Read more

Love Can Help You Heal After A Hurtful Breakup

By

"Love in your mind produces love in your life. This is the meaning of Heaven." ― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love It's not easy to extend love when you're not being loved in return. We can be selfish creatures, unwilling to love unless we know that love will come back to us. So after a breakup, especially one we don't want, ... Read more

See More

PARTNER POSTS
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Most Popular