Single And Dreading The Holidays? Here's The Cure


Single And Dreading The Holidays? Here's The Cure
Maybe it's time to buck tradition and start your own.

It’s not even Thanksgiving and you’re already dreading the holidays. You feel the all too familiar pressure of trying to be jolly as a wave of sadness fills your heart. You can't help but think, “Oh please not another holiday without someone to love at my side!”

Here it is again, another year has passed and you’re alone. 

But actually, you’re not.

They’re 28 million single women over 35 in the US and many of them are feeling just like you. They’re hearts are heavy at the thought of what’s coming.

You may relate to my client Sammie. Sammie's 45 and she is dreading going to her family gathering this year, once again, without a partner at her side. Of her 4 siblings, she’s only one single and without children. To her dismay, every year her parent’s house is filled with more children and less adults.

She knows her family is sensitive to her situation, each person has their own opinion as to why she is alone year after year.

Whether they feel embarrassed for her or even compassion, none of it feels good. What  hurts the most is that they think she must be doing something wrong, that somehow she's to blame for being single and alone this long.

When she asked me to help her prepare to see her family this holiday, I really felt for her. She has been dreading the holidays for over 25 years, always hoping for different experience.

So I asked her, “What if you didn’t spend the holidays with your family this year?”

There was a long silence. I felt her struggling to wrap her mind around my question. Then I heard her sigh, “I can’t do that; it’s a family tradition. Everyone comes no matter what. There’s no way I can miss the holidays with my family, it’s a tradition.”

“Why can’t you start your own tradition? Why can’t you celebrate the holiday in your own way, for yourself? If you could choose anything, what would you want to do this season?”

“If I could, and this is crazy, but I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii. I would even go alone; I just know it would be wonderful. But I can’t do that, everyone would hate me!”

“Even if that’s true, how would you feel about yourself?”

“I’d feel guilty. But really, I think I’d feel good, I’d feel free.”

I told her to give it some thought; after all it’s a big decision. It’s not easy to make your desires a priority over everyone else.

Tradition is a wonderful thing, but it shouldn’t be a life sentence. We all need some flexibility.

Is it time for you to create a holiday season for yourself, one that you want? One you don’t dread but you actually look forward to?

As for Sammie, I have the feeling Hawaii is going to win out this year.

Article contributed by

Virginia Clark

Relationship Coach

My book,  "It's Never Too Late To Marry: How to Have the Man and the Marriage of Your Dreams" is available for instant download. It will teach you the 6 essential steps you need to go from single to married to the right man for you!

Join my email community and recieve my free MP3 "Letting Love In."

Apply for your complimentary "Attract the Love of Your Life Breakthrough Session."


Location: Phoenix, AZ
Credentials: CHT
Other Articles/News by Virginia Clark:

"Who Am I?" Find Love By Getting Real


If you don't know who you are, you're in danger of becoming what a man wants you to be. This was one of the biggest challenges I had to overcome before I could find true love. It's really about knowing your value as a woman. It's about being aware of what you bring to the table in a relationship and, more importantly, in a marriage. I'm ... Read more

The Truth About Getting Older


Almost every woman is trying to look younger than her years. We go to the movies and our favorite stars look strangely unfamiliar. Actresses we’ve enjoyed watching over time suddenly lose the unique look that made us fall in love with them. We see a face that hasn’t changed in 30 years and can’t help but be distracted looking for the telltale ... Read more

If He's Pulling Away, Do This


There's nothing worse than feeling a man’s interest start to slip away. The last thing you want to face is that his feelings for you may be waning, so all too often we lose our sanity and panic at the first sign he's withdrawing. When we're in this fearful place, we become insecure. We assume that his pulling away is because of us, so we ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular