Whether you've been alone like me, or lived with a boyfriend, compromising on most decisions, if you are not used to it, can be a shock. When you're married, virtually every decision you make affects another person. Not only do you have to come to an agreement on the big issues such as money, where you will live, or where you'll vacation; but there are hundreds of smaller decisions that you now have to share like what time to eat or what to do Saturday night.
When you are open to compromise, you find that there are things you have to give up for the sake of the relationship, and it isn't always easy.
If you are someone who has gotten used to always being in control, it is important to prepare for "not getting your way." First, be honest with yourself and admit that you like to do things your way. Then begin to practice compromise in your life with your friends and family. You might even find that it is a big relief not always being in charge and actually let other people share the responsibility. It may be hard at first but there is a lot you can gain by letting someone else take the lead.
"The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset." This is a big one! It requires not only patience towards your partner but patience towards yourself as well.
One of the biggest destroyers of marriages is anger, primarily when it is misused and misdirected. When you form an intimate bond with someone they can become a lightening rod for your anger and frustration just because they are there and accessible. It is easy to project your bad feelings onto them and start blaming and criticizing. It takes a lot of self-awareness to catch yourself when you behave this way.
The quality of patience allows you to create more peace in your life and therefore a more peaceful marriage. It helps you navigate problems and upsets with a clear head and prevents you from being an adversary to your husband.
There will be times when your husband will do things or say things that will "push your buttons" and make you want to lash out at him. But if you can cultivate patience, you will find it easier to take a breath and chose to react with love and kindness.
"To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake." Forgiveness, like patience, involves defusing and replacing anger and blame with acceptance and love. Anger has many expressions but will show up most of the time in the form of resentment and grudges. If these are not acknowledged and forgiven they will fester and grow. Like a toothache, ignoring them will not make them go away and they will begin to truly poison your marriage.
Forgiveness does not condone bad behavior but it allows two people to remember that they are both flawed, and both deserving of being forgiven.