How you sabbotage love before it even starts.
By Virginia Clark — Written on Oct 25, 2013
We all know it's not easy to find a man you really click with. If you're Internet dating or just going to singles events, it can take a lot of false starts and disappointing dates before you find a man who really captures your interest.
The fact that you go through so many unsatisfying dating experiences before you meet a man who really rings your bell puts you at a definite disadvantage. It's like trudging through a hot desert and finally seeing an oasis up ahead. Your natural reaction is to run towards water and drink your fill, but this can be a problem—you don't yet know if the water is real or just a mirage.
Here are 3 big mistakes that could ruin a new relationship before it gets off the ground:
- You need to make something happen Because of the excitement at this new chance at love, you have a hard time letting things develop in their own time. Your need for assurance makes you start to manipulate and push to make things happen. Examples: making up rules in your head for how much and when he should text you or call, or planning your life around his schedule rather than your own.
- You put him on a pedestal I've seen this often. You go out with a man on 3 or 4 dates and feel as if you know everything about him. You get swept off your feet and decide he's a perfect match for you. You endow him all kinds of wonderful attributes meanwhile ignoring that only the test of time will reveal someone's true character. This is a dangerous practice and the leading cause of broken hearts.
- You try to make a good impression You think you're in love, which makes you more vulnerable. He's too good to be true, and you worry if you're enough for him. To hide your feelings of insecurity, you put on a show of confidence. Before you know it, you've lost your self as you start doing things to impress him and to make yourself look better.
These 3 mistakes can be avoided if you develop a strong sense of your own worth—a healthy self-esteem. It's the foundation of any successful relationship. Without it you'll make bad choices and act in ways that aren't the real you. With self-esteem you'll be able to allow for the natural unfolding of new love without losing yourself along the way.
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