Tantric sexual techniques were primarily designed for men in an attempt to provide sexual equality with women. Men have always struggled with their sexuality, not really knowing how to bring it into a spiritual context. An evolving man must learn to savor sexual energy, avoid its release, surrender to it, and let it propel him into higher states of consciousness.
Woman has the advantage. She is naturally tantric. Her orgasms occur in a different part of the brain. They are deeper, longer, and can be repeated over and over. She is less focused on her genitals during sexual exchanges. Her tendency is to expand and open to altered states of consciousness, out-of-body experiences, mystical union with her partner and the deepest states of meditation. Ironically, all the goals that yogis spend lifetimes attempting to achieve with all their sexual techniques are naturally available to women by the nature of their physiology. A woman is sexually stronger than a man because biologically she needs to be. After all, her body must bear the strain of physically producing children and then nurturing them to health.
A man’s sexual appetite is more easily tired. No matter how lusty he may be, by carelessly spilling his seed virtually every time he gets aroused, the resultant energy loss continually compromises his sexual strength. Nearly every man has at one time or another experienced the humiliation of sporting an unfashionably limp penis at an inopportune moment. In fact, an unresponsive, limp penis symbolizes the sexual imbalance between men and women. Unlike women, when a guy “cums” his sexual energy goes: with his discharge he loses his erection, his sexual appetite, and he may even lose his ability to stay emotionally connected to his partner. It leaves him exhausted, drained and ready for sleep. Ladies, does this remind you of anyone?
Erica Jong offers a wily woman’s perspective:
“What could be more poignant than a liberated woman eye-to-eye with a limp prick? All history’s greatest issues paled by comparison with these two quintessential objects: the eternal woman and the eternal limp prick.”
Chinese sexology, in comparing the relative sexual strengths of men and women, likened them to fire and water. Fire belongs to men. A man’s innate tendency is to heat up rapidly and then to explode like a ball of fire. Man is more volatile, more active and quicker. Women are more placid. Their movements calmer, but ultimately they are sexually stronger. As hot as fire may become, water will always have the power to extinguish it. Any attentive man knows that women tend to heat up slowly and cool down slowly, just like water. Men may be fast, but they tend to burn themselves out by ejaculating excessively. Women have endurance.
On a practical level, this means that men who are interested in upgrading their lovemaking skills need to learn patience and control. By tempering their volatile sexual nature, men can avoid short-circuiting the system before the woman has a chance to heat up to a healthy boil. In this way, both men and women benefit. The ideal is to prolong intercourse for as long as comfortable. The longer a man remains inside a woman, the more sexual essence is exchanged. Exchanging each other’s sexual essence is a means of sharing life-giving energy that was known by the tantric sages to be more potent than any food, herb or medicine. It’s important to understand that men can learn to slow down and still maintain their passion. On the other hand, it isn’t really possible for women to speed up and get ready sooner. You can’t force the issue. If you want the teakettle to boil, you must apply heat and not rush the process.