Connecting Families: A Relationship Enhancement Program

strongly agree
1. I sometimes get ignored when I need attention the most.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
2. This person usually doesn’t have a clue as to what I am feeling.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
3. I often have difficulty getting a meaningful conversation going with this person.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
4. I get mad when I don’t get the attention I need from this person.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
5. I often find myself becoming irritable with this person.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
Connecting Families Penn State Cooperative Extension
Working as a Team, Session 3 34 2004
Handout 1
6. I often feel irritated that this person isn’t on my side.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
7. I have trouble getting this person to listen to me.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
8. I find it difficult to get this person to open up to me.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
9. I have trouble getting this person to talk to me.
1 STRONGLY DISAGREE
1 DISAGREE
1 NEUTRAL
1 AGREE
1 STRONGLY AGREE
Source: Gottman, J., & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure. New York: The Gottman Institute.
www.gottman.com/marriage/relationship_quiz/quiz/
Connecting Families Penn State Cooperative Extension
Working as a Team, Session 3 35 2004
Handout 2
Relationship Indicator Scoring Guide
Your score for questions 1-3:
Scores below 8 mean that you are direct in your relationship. This is great news for your
relationship, because you have the ability to state clearly what you need from this person.
If your score is 8 or higher, you may be too reticent in bidding. The other person in your
relationship may feel as if they have to be a mind reader to understand what you need.
Your score for questions 4-6:
Scores below 8 mean that you are not overly forceful in expressing what you need from
this person. Your relationship benefits from this quality of yours because it's easier for
the other person to hear and understand what you need. If your score is 8 or higher, you
may be expressing so much anger in your bidding that you are turning this person away.
Maybe this is because of past frustrations, or maybe it is the way your personality is.
Your score for questions 7-9:
If your score is below 8, this means you have a high level of trust in your relationship. If
your score is 8 or higher, this reflects a problem with the le vel of trust in your
relationship. You may need to do more to win this person's trust. Some people
accomplish this by concentrating more on responding to the other person's bids, rather
than trying to get the other person to respond to you.
Source: Gottman, J., & DeClaire, J. (2001). The relationship cure. New York: The Gottman Institute.
www.gottman.com/marriage/relationship_quiz/quiz/
Connecting Families Penn State Cooperative Extension
Working as a Team, Session 3 36 2004
Session Materials 1
Speaker-Listener Role Play Situations
Directions: Reproduce and cut each situation into an individual handout slip. Ask the
group to form teams of two. Each team is given a situation slip. The team is to prepare a
role play using the speaker–listener technique in the situation. After each role play, the
total group is asked to identify the aspects of the technique that was used and how
successful they appeared to be.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Jan thinks Joe is unfair in the way their money is spent. Joe believes that all of the bills
need to be paid and if money is left they should spend it on something that benefits the
kids. Jan thinks it is ok to spend some on the kids, but she also thinks they need to be
spending more time and money on themselves as a couple. She wants to go out to dinner
and a movie, or go dancing. Joe thinks this is a waste of money.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Karen loves her kids. Everyone says so. She is willing to put them first at all costs. Her
husband Kelly often feels like he is excluded when Karen plans the family’s weekends
and holidays. He never is asked what he would like to do. Whatever the kids want to do
is what is planned.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rita wants to go to her parents for the holiday. Norman doesn’t especially like her
parents and finds it difficult to spend the entire holiday weekend with Jan’s mother and
“crazy” brother’s family. It is like going to a “zoo” he says. On the other hand, Rita
doesn’t think it is fair that they always go to his parents for the holiday. She does like the
beautiful gifts and grand celebration activities, but her family is important too. She also
thinks that the children need to see each set of grandparents for equal times.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mary Ann thinks that Ed expects a little too much from their sex. She thinks he expects
her to be always excited about his offer to “go to bed.” She gets tired working all week
long and sees this as just another task to make him happy, she usually gives in to just get
it over and keep him happy.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nancy and Roger had worked out a working plan that they would share the house work
50-50; however, it seems that she has to do more and more as Roger increased his time
working. She is sick and tired of coming home and doing all of this house work. She is
getting more and more resentful of his lack of helping.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ed once again would not talk with Mary Ellen about what they were going to do for their
summer vacation. Every time she brings up the topic he just acts like he could care less
about it. Yet, last year when she went ahead and made all of the arrangements, all he did
was complain about the trip the entire time they were away. She is fed up with his
always being critical of what she plans.
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Connecting Families Penn State Cooperative Extension
Working as a Team, Session 3 37 2004
Session Materials 1
"--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John spends all of his free time in his work shop. He tells Mary Alice that he just doesn’t
care to go with her to the movies or out to eat. She should go ahead and go with her
mother or sisters. Mary Alice is very hurt that he doesn’t want to be with her and do
some things that

Author
Contributor

Explore YourTango