When you are first getting to know someone, making a good impression is paramount. During the early stages of a relationship, whether you have gone on one date or 10, you are constantly evaluating the things your suitor says. We do this because we have limited information about a person, so we desperately try to learn more by reading in to what they say.
That was not such an issue fifty years ago, when we were limited to telephone conversations or snail mail. Nowadays, text messages and emails allow people to analyze each others’ words very carefully. This is why I’ve created some “texting rules” for men and women, below:
Tips for Men
Text within 12 hours of your date, with a short message to acknowledge your time together. Example: “Hey! Last night was fun. We should do it again soon. I’m so tired today though. Can’t believe it’s already Monday"
Take the initiative to make it clear whether you are interested in the woman or not. If you are not interested, you should drop hints, so that you don’t leave the girl hanging. Example: “Hey, I’m super busy over the next few weeks but we should try to grab drinks when things free up. Take care.”
Avoid “...” in a text message, as it makes you sound unsure and doesn’t complement your direct approach. If you feel the need to use this punctuation, delete the sentence entirely.
Tips for Women
Try to avoid being the one to initiate a text message conversation. If you choose to text a man first, make sure not to include any questions in the text. Men want to chase and pursue you, so leave the ball in their court. If you start texting with question and try to engage with them, they will be turned off. Example: If you want to thank the man for your date, you can simply text “Hey - Thanks so much for dinner. Had a great time. Hope you have a good night!” Do NOT text this: “Hey - Thanks so much for dinner. Had a great time. Did you get home safely?” That would make you sound needy and desperate.
Keep your texts nonchalant and removed. Guys don’t want to be asked what they are up to or where they are. Pretend that you are texting your girl friend when you text with your new catch. The less you appear to care, the more likely he is to come chasing after you. Note: avoid any “x’s” or “o’s”, such as “xoxo” or “xx” until a later stage.
General Tips for Men & Women
Keep your message short in order to avoid conversations that would be better had in person or on the phone. Ideally, you want to share information and get to know each other face to face. This will deepen your bond more rapidly than texting long thoughts.
Always use proper language and grammar in your text messages. You want to make a good impression on your suitor, so it’s important that your writing style conveys a serious, educated tone. Example: Avoid abbreviations such as “lol” and use “haha” or “hehe” instead. Also, don’t write messages in all lowercase, capitalization is important!
Use emoticons only when you are saying something that could be misconstrued. For example, if you are texting saying that you’re in the worst mood ever, you might want to add a smiley face, so that the person knows you it has nothing to do with them.
Always avoid the ;) emoticon. Winking in a text message can have a condescending implication.