Why Can't I Leave this Destructive Relationship?


Why Can't I Leave this Destructive Relationship?
Everyone sees it...friends, relatives...your relationship is BAD to the bone, but you can't leave!

When you are stuck in a relationship where your partner is constantly putting you down, criticizing, controlling and insensitive, you very well may have "connected" with an emotional manipulator.  Usually these relationships start out fast and hot.  They are emotionally charged and EXACTLY what you've been looking for your whole life.  The person...the manipulator...seems to be the most perfect human being on the planet.  They meet all your needs before you even ask.  The connection is immediate and the relationship moves very fast.

As quickly as you get "hooked in" things start going south.  You find yourself feeling very confused and overwhelmed with it all.  On one hand your inner gut tells you to run as fast as you can and yet this person has such a strong pull on you that you simply cannot break away.  There is just enough element of things being "almost perfect" that you are blinded to all the things that are wrong.


If this describes any kind of relationship you are in, you are in what I refer to as a trauma bond relationship.  You've become connected and loyal to a person who is manipulative, exploitive, abusive or toxic.  This is a hole that is not easy to crawl out of.  Trouble is it can take quite awhile to dig your way to the top of this one.

You have to have internal resolve to be in a healthy relationship.  You really have to get yourself strong on the inside to be able to have the courage to walk away.  If this is where you are, you need professional guidance.  Please seek help and strength from a person who is healthy to see your way out of this destructive relationship.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson


Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.


Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
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