Staying safe in the process of working through grief after abortion can be very difficult. Safety is very important though. Everyone grieves differently. Anne Morrow Lindbergh (who lost a child to kidnapping) once said, “Grief can’t be shared. Everyone shares it alone, his own burden, his own way.” Know that other women are also sharing abortion grief like you. You are not alone, but you may need to be alone to process your “vpt” if that is the safest way for you.
Here are some important tips for grieving any kind of loss, but especially abortion grief loss because it is so unique in nature.
Don’t be hard on yourself. Going down bunny trails where you beat yourself up with the decision is a non-productive effort. Responses and processing grief are as different as fingerprints. Everyone has a different style. Taking a lot of time is OK and normal for you. Don’t be hard on yourself. Give yourself as much time as you need.
Everyone grieves differently. If you can’t attach any emotion or loss to the “vpt” that can also be normal. It is a strange dynamic. You may be feeling the “black cloud” or the “blue times” but yet not be able to connect any emotion to the event. Again this can be normal. Your unique grieving journey is yours. Just know that time is on your side and the more you get into the process and just “let it flow.”
Your body never lies to you. As you begin to address your grief after abortion, difficulty sleeping. Any kind of herbal tea of course is helpful. Also, a hot bath with wonderful salts is helpful. Treating yourself kindly during this time is important. This of course may be hard to do because you may be punishing and condemning yourself instead.
Support from others is great, but not absolutely necessary. You have to be very careful as far as determining who will be supportive to you during your journey and who will be unsafe. It of course would be great to have as many people as possible to support you. Getting into a post abortion support group is actually fabulous and very helpful. Ultimately, this is where I found my most safety, connection and freedom. The goal is 100% safety and you have to be in charge of that.
Grief after abortion is a unique journey for everyone who has to courage to sign up for it. Women everywhere have different stories and have handled the “black cloud” in different ways. However, the emotional undercurrents are very similar for all of us. You are not alone and the right door will open for you to find your best plan for resolution and closure.
There are a lot of resources available. You can Google on “grief after abortion” and find several very helpful programs. If you want to start the journey in the safety of your own home you can try the self-help plan
I created so that you would not be alone and have tools to guide you through the process. All materials are non-judgmental and non-political or religious in nature. Additionally, download a brochure, I created to educate yourself or others about voluntary pregnancy termination and disenfranchised grief.
Additionally, your therapist can walk this journey with you. Let them know about the new resources available to help them help you.