The ONE Thing Women Don't Talk About ~ Their Abortion


The ONE Thing Women Don't Talk About ~ Their Abortion
Women don't talk about their abortions, to anyone. This is a secret that goes to the grave.

I just finished working with a grieving widow.  Her husband of 28 years died an untimely death from an unfortunate accident.  His was 52 years old.  As she went through her list of regrets, something came to mind that really surprised her.  Early on in her marriage, they had shared an abortion together.  They were struggling college students and "this" was not the time to go through a pregnancy.  She was amazed that they had never talked.  Now it was too late.  "I thought about it many times, " she said.  "I wanted to talk about it, but we just never did."

This is not unusual.  I find that most women I work with have never told anyone their abortion secret.  I think of the woman who had aborted three of her pregnancies while married to her husband.  Even he didn't know.  On average, it takes nine hours in the counseling room before a client will talk about an abortion in their past.

Women don't talk about abortions for fear they will be misunderstood. One of two things will happen.  They will be condemned and admonished for their choice so they will feel further guilt and shame.  They will be assured that their choice was perfectly legal and normal and therefore there is no reason to talk about it.

Neither answer hits on why women would like to talk about their abortions.  Neither answer validates the possible sadness they may feel.  Women who've had abortion face a lifetime of disenfranchisement concerning the grief they often feel afterwards.  Yes, it is better to put on a happy face and keep on going with life. 

Alone we cry or have triggering moments of sadness.  And to our graves we go, having never talked about a very important decision in our past lives.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson


Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.

Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
Other Articles/News by Trudy Johnson:

"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad," Part 2


Last week I talked with a 20-something woman about the grief she was feeling after her voluntary pregnancy termination. In her quest to find relief for her situation, she never dreamed she would be struck with an overwhelming sadness that she couldn't shake. Only a little less shocking than the news of the pregnancy (she was on birth control pills) was ... Read more

"I Had No Clue I'd Be This Sad"


The voice on the other end of the line was hesitant. I could tell this was a woman who wasn't sure she could trust her own instincts, much less trust me. I tried to re-assure her that I am a safe person to talk with about unexpected grief after voluntarily terminating a pregnancy. As we talked, I realized how many times I'd heard this ... Read more

Had An Abortion? 4 Tips For Surviving Mother’s Day


For women who once made the decision to terminate a pregnancy, Mother's Day can be an emotional and difficult day. Particularly, if you never told those closest to you about your abortion. In such cases, you may feel like you have no one to talk to about your sadness because you are afraid of condemnation. Despite the fact that an abortion can weigh ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

Most Popular