My Husband Doesn't Understand My Abortion Pain


My Husband Doesn't Understand My Abortion Pain
Couples who choose abortion can be surpised when afterwards their marriage takes a hit. What's that?

"I don't understand why we are feeling so disconnected after an abortion.  I thought this would be the best plan for our future, but now I am wondering..."

Couples are often surprised that their abortion did not bring them the closure they were expecting.  This is because there is a lot of emotion involved during the decision-making process.  The initial reaction is usually for sure relief.  What catches people off guard though can be a deep sadness some times afterward.

Typically, this sadness hits the woman.  The husband then doesn't understand because "he thought" this is what his wife wanted. Now all of sudden she is waking up crying and is sad.  The husband feels completely bewildered and frustrated and may even feel a bit of sadness also himself.

Couples need to know that there can be natural and unavoidable sadness after an abortion.  This can hit each person at random times.  This unprocessed grief can be a difficult journey.  Everyone grieves in different ways.  The relief may get overshadowed at times when the sadness sets in.

For this reason, it is important to understand that this sadness is a normal situation.  Hopefully each person can give the other one time to cry or be sad.  Additionally, what will really help the process is for them to talk as a couple about the experience and express how they feel, sadness and all.  Keeping secret feelings is never good in a relationship so it is better for them to talk than to cry in silence or hide the sadness from each other.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Trudy Johnson


Trudy M. Johnson, M.A., LMFT, CSPII

Helping women process grief after voluntary pregnancy termination without fear.

Bringing abortion after-care into the 21st century by educating professionals.

Location: Buena Vista, CO
Credentials: LMFT, MA, Non-Profit
Specialties: Abortion Issues
Other Articles/News by Trudy Johnson:

Had An Abortion? 4 Tips For Surviving Mother’s Day


For women who once made the decision to terminate a pregnancy, Mother's Day can be an emotional and difficult day. Particularly, if you never told those closest to you about your abortion. In such cases, you may feel like you have no one to talk to about your sadness because you are afraid of condemnation. Despite the fact that an abortion can weigh ... Read more

Staying Safe Processing Grief After Abortion - Step Five


Staying safe in the process of working through grief after abortion can be very difficult.  Safety is very important though.  Everyone grieves differently.  Anne Morrow Lindbergh (who lost a child to kidnapping) once said, “Grief can’t be shared.  Everyone shares it alone, his own burden, his own way.”  Know that other ... Read more

How VPT Grief Might Impact Your Daily Life - Step Four


Knowing you are not alone,knowing that feeling a deep loss after abortion is normal and knowing that grief after abortion is greatly misunderstood by those who haven’t walked the journey, are important pieces in reaching a place of closure after your voluntary pregnancy termination.   Processing points of grief in one’s life are important ... Read more

See More

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.