"I don't understand why we are feeling so disconnected after an abortion. I thought this would be the best plan for our future, but now I am wondering..."
Couples are often surprised that their abortion did not bring them the closure they were expecting. This is because there is a lot of emotion involved during the decision-making process. The initial reaction is usually for sure relief. What catches people off guard though can be a deep sadness some times afterward.
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Typically, this sadness hits the woman. The husband then doesn't understand because "he thought" this is what his wife wanted. Now all of sudden she is waking up crying and is sad. The husband feels completely bewildered and frustrated and may even feel a bit of sadness also himself.
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Couples need to know that there can be natural and unavoidable sadness after an abortion. This can hit each person at random times. This unprocessed grief can be a difficult journey. Everyone grieves in different ways. The relief may get overshadowed at times when the sadness sets in.
For this reason, it is important to understand that this sadness is a normal situation. Hopefully each person can give the other one time to cry or be sad. Additionally, what will really help the process is for them to talk as a couple about the experience and express how they feel, sadness and all. Keeping secret feelings is never good in a relationship so it is better for them to talk than to cry in silence or hide the sadness from each other.