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How VPT Grief Might Impact Your Daily Life - Step Four


Understand how to reach a place of closure after your voluntary pregnancy termination

Knowing you are not alone,knowing that feeling a deep loss after abortion is normal and knowing that grief after abortion is greatly misunderstood by those who haven’t walked the journey, are important pieces in reaching a place of closure after your voluntary pregnancy termination.  

Processing points of grief in one’s life are important aspects of being a healthy person.   If grief and loss after your choice decision has “hit you”, it is important to look at how unprocessed grief can be influencing and impacting your life right now.

70% of solving a problem is understanding the problem!  Just understanding that you may be experiencing some emotional and relational angst, in your life today because of grief associated to your dark secret can be very helpful.

Here is a checklist for you to assess abortion grief points:

I’ve never told anyone about my abortion or I tried to tell someone and was invalidated or condemned.

Just like any regular grief situation, a person who gets misunderstand in their pain will shut down and isolate.  This type of rejection in the midst of explaining pain can create deep depression and cause withdrawal and detachment from others.  If you are experiencing deep depression for several days in a row, it really is time to see a professional.  Your therapist can help you walk this journey so that you are not alone in it.

I have fleeting moments of general sadness that can’t be connected to my life situation.

Whether your abortion occurred one week, one month or years ago, if you’ve pushed moments of sadness away, they will find a way to come out into the open in other random ways.  If you are starting to have these moments you can’t connect to anything because your life may be going along so well, it could be you need to address your “vpt” grief.

There are certain seasons of the year I feel blue or go into a deep funk.

If you can connect the dots of these seasonal blues to the “vpt” event, you are probably triggering off the unprocessed grief.  Common trigger dates are anniversary dates tied to the procedure.

My emotions seem increasingly harder to regulate.

As days go by, the grief builds and builds if left alone without processing.  The “black times” can get stronger or last longer.  If you relate to any of these points of grief  that relate to a “vpt” maybe this is the time in your life you should start facing the grief and loss connected to the event. 

There are a lot of resources available. You can Google on “grief after abortion.” and find several very helpful programs.  If you want to start the journey in the safety of your own home you can try the self-help plan I created so that you would not be alone and have tools to guide you through the process.  All materials are non-judgmental and non-political or religious in nature.  Additionally, download a brochure I created to educate yourself or others about voluntary pregnancy termination and disenfranchised grief.
Additionally, your therapist  can walk this journey with you.  Let them know about the new resources available to help them help you.


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