At this point in the relationship, you begin feeling confused. The main underlying emotion in when you are in a relationship with an abuser is confusion. When I work with clients and they begin to say the word "confusion" time after time when describing a certain relationship, I know to assess for an abusive situation.
If you are in a physically abusive relationship, the number one goal should be to get safe. Do not think you can change him or do things well enough to make things better. In all likelihood, this guy will never change whether you are in his life or not. You must get safe if you are receiving any touch that is not given in love, respect or dignity. Pushing, shoving and hitting is not acceptable for any reason.
If any of the signs above resonate with your heart concerning the relationship you are presently in, you need to seek guidance of caring friends or a professional therapist. This relationship has little hope of change and you are headed down a road of destruction, betrayal and intense pain.