Your Relationship Balance Sheet


Your Relationship Balance Sheet

Do not take this for granted and continue to give with love and receive with ease. Nurture this valuable part of your relationship structure as it is an essential dynamic for lasting, loving love.

If your answer is NO: Your relationship is unbalanced. Whether you are giving more (the withdrawal column outweighs the deposit one) or he is, one of you is over-functioning in the relationship and will eventually go bankrupt. No different than if someone kept taking cash out of your bank account but didn't put any in to replace what was taken out - eventually you will have a zero, or worse yet, negative balance. It is inevitable. Here's the thing, relationships run on emotional fuel. The fuel is the gifts we give each other and they come in many forms (intellectual stimulation, sexual satisfaction, listening, helping out, being supportive, and so on and so on). If one of you is not providing for the other, the receiver’s deprivation will lead to feeling empty tanked. An empty tank results in a lack of desire and sometimes literally the ability to give anymore to the relationship, and such begins the end of it.


In a relationship, aim for what is called “healthy dependency.” A notion whereby partners blend intimacy and autonomy. They reach out to each other for what they need which makes them feel strong, not weak and ultimately brings them closer together. They achieve a proportional give and take model. They look out for each others needs but also are capable of tending to themselves (i.e. they are not each other’s “other half”). When healthy dependency is reached, a couple feels in sync; they feel balanced.

Giving comes from the heart. It shouldn’t be begged for, forced or demanded. If it is, it won’t sustain because it won’t be pure. Seek a partnership in which your give and take balance sheet is equally weighted, not for score’s sake, but for heart’s sake - because you give to your partner because it feels good and you take because you are comfortable being cared for. That’s healthy dependence, that’s healthy love.

Live and love largely,

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
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