So you may have heard by now that Ashlee Simpson Wentz and Pete Wentz are on the journey towards divorce. According to sources, “they’ve just grown apart.” For you regular readers, you know that I rarely comment on celeb love lives or lack thereof, but I thought this particular dissolution bore a little insight and discussion.
“They’ve just grown apart.” Hmmm. Let’s look at this closer. From this we can deduce that they’ve been growing and that’s a good thing! Individual growth in a coupled-up unit is critical. In a healthy, sustainable relationship, it is imperative to maintain sense of self and to continue to nurture, explore and cultivate thy self. In fact, your partner ought to encourage it as much as possible. Even in more fact, he/she ought to be inspired by the unveiling of newly revealed layers of you, year after year. This is what keeps partnership alive, interesting and worthwhile.
When you marry, it is foolish to think that the person at the end of the aisle with you is going to be caught in freeze-frame, forever captured just as is, physically, spiritually, intellectually or otherwise. After all, can you ask the same of yourself? Or better yet, would you want to?
If you are single, when you date, consider that the man you are interested in is a highly evolved being, one that will inevitably change. He will grow into someone who looks a little bit different, feels a little bit different and behaves a little bit differently. And so will you. Think about if your relationship with yourself and with him can stand that test of not time, but of change…. If you are really capable of growing together despite your differences. Will you look for similarities to keep you bonded, interested and enthused, or will you focus on what can keep you distant and discouraged?
If you are married and your spouse feels like more of a roommate than a romantic partner, WAKE UP! Recognize your distancing and DO something about it. Commit to re-engaging in each other. Regardless of how busy you are, find the time to know each other on an intimate level. Ask questions, get curious, DATE each other! Allow each other to grow independently but recognize, create and nourish similarities too.
The solid gold truth here is that couples who “grow apart,” stopped planting seeds. They expected the original ones to sustain them forever and it just doesn’t work that way. If you are looking for forever, you have to create it, every day.
Live and love largely,