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Spring Cleaning Your Man

Spring Cleaning Your Man

Spring
has officially sprung. Now that the clocks have moved forward the days will get
longer, winter’s cozier layers will reveal hot summer bods and all across the
globe women will not only clean out their closets, boyfriends will also be
discarded like last season’s trends.

That’s
right, we’ve entered breakup season. All winter long lovebirds have been
hibernating with their significant others, spending long, cold nights together
– playing Jenga, watching movie marathons, enjoying winter getaways and bottomless
cups of cocoa. What may have seemed so perfect in December when you were
trading overflowing stockings, may have become tiresome (“Oh you again?”) or
nerve rattling (“How could have ever found your snoring adorable?!”) And now
that the sun has started to shine, you may now see possibilities abounding
indicating to you it is time to trade in the old to make room for something
new… and better.

If
you’ve got the breakup itch, you’re not alone – Jennifer Love Hewitt and Kate
Winslett joined the single women’s tribe this week. And this is just the
beginning of what is the annual relationship apocalypse among couples. Just
wait and see. Be it long term love or short, spring is the time to dispose of
unhealthy, unsatisfying or going nowhere relationships, because with summer
around the corner, there is no shortage of opportunities to revisit like and
love’s playground!

But how
do you do it? Once you’ve committed to uncommitting, how do you break it off?
Well it all depends on what caused you to come to the end of bliss road. Below
are a few examples of various break-up situations and the best/worst approaches
to cutting the tie. In general though, any breakup method ought to be quick,
honest and respectful, complete with “I” statements. It should offer a clear
explanation but not be drawn out. It should declare unquestionable finality -
not leaving a measure of ambiguity. Your goal should be to cause the least
amount of post break-up drama for both parties involved.

The
‘Broken Heart’ Break-up 
-> This
break-up is the one that wrenches your heart out of your chest and throws it
out on to the street just in time for a bus to run it over, followed by a
concrete pouring truck, followed by a steam roller, and finally by an exploding
gasoline truck. Heartbreak to this magnitude is caused by acts of horrendous
disrespect such as cheating. These violations are undeniably painful and the
damage to the relationship is likely irreversible.

The
wrong way:
Seeking revenge by destroying his
property, ruining his relationships with loved ones, or employing any
vindictive behavior is not the route to take. Karma will take care of the
wrong-doer more powerfully than you can. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: PSYCHO

The
right way:
The most painful words one can hear
are those expressing disappointment. Although an initial reaction may be to
curse him out, simply looking at him with disgust and disdain and delivering a
simple message of disappointment cuts the heart permanently. Taking a stance of
strength in a situation like this can not only provide great guilt to the
guilty, but offer a sense of empowerment as opposed to victimization to you.
THIS APPROACH SPELLS: IN CONTROL

The ‘I’m
Not Happy’ Break-up 
-> This break-up arises
after a long period of exhaustive arguing that ultimately illustrates that the
two parties are not on the same page in terms of how their relationship should
function. In this situation, a break-up has been considered on countless
occasions and sometimes even used as a threat to leverage change in the other
person. Unfortunately, persistent differences will always inevitably lead to an
actual break-up. This often is the saddest break-up because so much effort was
put into “making it work” and the relationship may end still with one/both
members not completely certain that ending it was indeed the right thing.

The
wrong way
: Attempting to get him to break up
with you instead of being brave enough to do it yourself. This is often a dish
served up passively aggressively whereby you initiate a “talk” proceeding to
bring up all of your problems, resisting every possible solution, leading your
BF down a path that leads to no option other than breaking up. THIS APPROACH
SPELLS: COWARD

The
right way
: Address the demise of the
relationship head on. Don’t point fingers or cast blame; explain that although
the two of you have put in great effort to salvage the relationship, it has run
its course and you are just not happy. At the break-up point, there should not
be a discussion of how to once again try to “make it work.” Employ the
rip-it-off quickly Band-Aid theory. THIS APPROACH SPELLS: KINDNESS

The
‘Dead-End’ Break-up 
-> This is the break-up
that comes out of a relationship that is lacking potential for a future. Most
often the relationship is navigating a smooth course, void of any major rifts.
However, for one of the participants, the desire to mature the relationship and
elevate it to the next level, is absent. Symptoms of this type of break-up
include sudden trivial irritations (such as the way the person laughs) and
decreasing your loved on as a priority in your life.

The
wrong way
: The classic “It’s not you, it’s
me” approach is the most typical route to take, but is not completely true and
the recipient of such a message knows it. He’s left in bewilderment and could
have a difficult time moving past without some sense of closure. THIS APPROACH SPELLS:
WHITE-LIAR

The
right way
: Explain that you no longer share
the same feelings and that you don’t see a co-mingled future together. When
asked about specific reasons for the change in feelings, be sensititve but
straightforward. Express gratitude for the relationship. THIS APPROACH SPELLS:
THOROUGH.

Hey, so
there may be a lot of lonely-heart tears and hugs, drunken rebounded makeout
sessions and chocolate binges for the first few weeks post breakup, but rest
assure your heart will be shining as brightly as the sun soon, healed and wiser
then ever and you will be moving on to some serious summer lovin!

Live and
love largely,

Tristan

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