By Tristan Coopersmith — Written on Jan 02, 2011
I’ve never been a big champion of New Year’s resolutions. I don’t fancy the pressure of having to sit down with pen and paper in hand on the first day of the year, somewhere in between trying to kill my champagne headache and trying to remove some glitter nonsense off my eyelids, and reflecting on all the ways I turned left instead of right in the past year… and after that, coming up with a list of ways to rectify it all. I prefer instead the idea of deciding that I have the power to become my best self on any day of any week of any month throughout the year. For me, my growth comes in small steps made every day – not in leap attempts.
However, I am ALL about personal evolution – finding realistic solutions to what hasn’t been working in my life – but the operative word here is realistic. Goal setting can’t be pressure filled, or it just doesn’t work. It pains me to watch people go big with all of the right intentions in January only to feel like failures in February, not because they have failed, but because they set unrealistic expectations at the onset.
So, all that said, I came up with a few New Year’s resolutions of the dating sort for you to chew on, for now, or for later when the moment strikes you. And, so you know these ones aren’t miracle resolutions. They aren’t going to guarantee that you “find the one” because finding true love can never be penned, or even penciled in. As soon as you try to, you are automatically setting yourself up to settle. They aren’t going to encourage you to get in the best physical shape so you can attract the guy you’ve had your eye on, because dropping ten pounds of body fat won’t help you if you still choose men who make you feel insecure. Instead… THIS list of resolutions are dating pledges for you to grow on, that will help you have a healthier dating journey in 2011. No promises of fairytale love here, but I can guarantee that if you follow them, or at least the ones that speak to your heart most loudly, there is no way that you can fail… and you WILL undoubtedly feel gorgeous inside and out, proud of who you are becoming as an entity and seeker of healthy love. Consider these, dear hearts, your Love-Olutions!
1. I will alter my dating habits for the better. As you are reflecting over the past year, or perhaps the past decade, think about your dating habits on a micro and macro level. While it is natural to become creatures of habit, if your habits aren’t producing the results you would like, change something in your equation. After all, the choices we make become who we are and we simply cannot expect different results unless we create different habits.
2. I will remove excess weight from my dating closet. To move towards healthy love, you have to abandon unhealthy relationships, completely. Learning to let go of excess is a tool that will provide boundless freedom and point you in directions beyond your wildest imagination. Simply, staying stuck in the past in any way, is like putting up a big fat “NO” sign to your future. If you want to be free to move onwards and upwards… LET… GO… NOW!
3. I will increase my positivity quotient. I’ve learned that it takes just as much energy to be glass half full as it does to be the inverse, but that of course, the former makes you feel like a zillion bucks and as a super badass bonus, attracts the awesome of the awesome. So why on earth, would you choose anything but optimism? Here’s the thing, when faced with any displeasure, you always have two choices – smile or frown your way through – and neither one of them means that you can’t feel the pain. The smile side just says, “I’m not a victim of my circumstances, I’m a student of them!” It is all about perspective: change your dial to a color one and instantly you will be more capable of attracting more light… so keep the hope alive and pocket positivity as your 2011 BFF.
4. I will set dating boundaries for myself and stick to them. One of the most worthwile things you can do in a period of reflection this weekend, is think about healthy boundaries for yourself. Essentially dating dealbreakers – things you won’t stand for along your dating path this coming year. Perhaps it is men who flake, or witnessing yourself not speaking up in relationships. Whatever it is, right them down, and don’t waiver!
5. I will date like no one is watching. Every one of us living in a free world gets a chance at love so let your course chart itself. Silence the noise of others and give yourself the gift of dating who you want, how you want. Release yourself of the pressure of opinions and judgment from family, friends, media and/or society so that you can unreservedly navigate your journey all the way to an end that you feel confident with.
6. I will turn my wounds into wisdom. No matter how much 2010 sucked, do not let it paralyze your love opportunities in 2011. Leverage your experiences so that you can become a better, brighter, more experienced dater in the next decade. As I always say, dating is love’s greatest teacher and every one of your stepping stones is preparing you for the gorgeously rich love that is coming your way!
7. I will continue to build my personal love foundation. Without a solid basis of self-love, even a budding relationship with the greatest catch in the sea is doomed to fail. Continue to nurture your own needs in 2011, paying close attention to what makes you thrive emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. Devote time each day to honor your beautiful self and each week to cultivating your garden so you continue to blossom into the partner you eventually want to attract.
8. I will own my love journey. If you want a positive outcome for your love destiny, it is up to YOU and you alone to create it. You cannot blame anyone or anything for why it has not arrived yet. It will… if you want it to, if you will own your yesterdays fully, your todays completely and say YES to what is next wholly.
This is IT, lovers… the last day of the year… the last day of the decade in fact! Sure I believe everyday is a great day to roll your dice on a better, brighter you, but why not go into tomorrow, into 2011 with a big, beautiful, fire-workey bang?! Why not try one of the above love-olutions out and see how it fits?! They don’t cost a thing and can benefit you infinitely.
May these love-olutions guide you toward healthier love of self and for others… and never forget, I’m just a click away, always there to help.
Live and love largely… and Happy Happy HAPPY New Year,
Tristan