New Year's Love-Olutions


New Year's Love-Olutions

I’ve never been a big champion of New Year’s resolutions. I don’t fancy the pressure of having to sit down with pen and paper in hand on the first day of the year, somewhere in between trying to kill my champagne headache and trying to remove some glitter nonsense off my eyelids, and reflecting on all the ways I turned left instead of right in the past year… and after that, coming up with a list of ways to rectify it all. I prefer instead the idea of deciding that I have the power to become my best self on any day of any week of any month throughout the year. For me, my growth comes in small steps made every day – not in leap attempts.

However, I am ALL about personal evolution – finding realistic solutions to what hasn’t been working in my life – but the operative word here is realistic. Goal setting can’t be pressure filled, or it just doesn’t work. It pains me to watch people go big with all of the right intentions in January only to feel like failures in February, not because they have failed, but because they set unrealistic expectations at the onset.


So, all that said, I came up with a few New Year’s resolutions of the dating sort for you to chew on, for now, or for later when the moment strikes you. And, so you know these ones aren’t miracle resolutions. They aren’t going to guarantee that you “find the one” because finding true love can never be penned, or even penciled in. As soon as you try to, you are automatically setting yourself up to settle. They aren’t going to encourage you to get in the best physical shape so you can attract the guy you’ve had your eye on, because dropping ten pounds of body fat won’t help you if you still choose men who make you feel insecure. Instead… THIS list of resolutions are dating pledges for you to grow on, that will help you have a healthier dating journey in 2011. No promises of fairytale love here, but I can guarantee that if you follow them, or at least the ones that speak to your heart most loudly, there is no way that you can fail… and you WILL undoubtedly feel gorgeous inside and out, proud of who you are becoming as an entity and seeker of healthy love. Consider these, dear hearts, your Love-Olutions!

1. I will alter my dating habits for the better. As you are reflecting over the past year, or perhaps the past decade, think about your dating habits on a micro and macro level. While it is natural to become creatures of habit, if your habits aren’t producing the results you would like, change something in your equation. After all, the choices we make become who we are and we simply cannot expect different results unless we create different habits.


2. I will remove excess weight from my dating closet. To move towards healthy love, you have to abandon unhealthy relationships, completely. Learning to let go of excess is a tool that will provide boundless freedom and point you in directions beyond your wildest imagination. Simply, staying stuck in the past in any way, is like putting up a big fat “NO” sign to your future. If you want to be free to move onwards and upwards… LET… GO… NOW!


Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
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