Lately a recurring conversation theme I’ve had with women and even overheard in my frequent coffeehouse haunts is that of moving for love. I’ve heard that the midwest has more family oriented guys and that the south has nicer guys. I’ve heard that big city guys don’t take women seriously and that big cities are the only place to meet men due to sheer numbers. Single women alike seem to think they live in the world’s worst dating city (cue: violin) and if they simply packed up all of their stuff, found a new apartment, new job, new friends and new life, they would instantly find a perfectly wonderful new great love.
I’m so sorry to be the bearer of bummer news, but it just doesn’t work that way. There’s simply no treasure trove of perfect guys in some hidden valley awaiting your arrival.
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Sure, moving can be an amazing booster shot of energy. I should know, I’ve lived in lots of cities and even a few countries. You get a renewed lease on life; a fresh perspective and of course, a clean slate. And while you may be exposed to a roster of fresh man meat, in your suitcases, you will surely have packed all of your old dating habits and past relationship baggage. It doesn’t matter what your new zip code is, if you don’t heal and repair your past, you will take it into your future, no matter how far you go.
The past has a funny way of following you like that, determined to help you learn and to help you grow from what was into what can be; if you turn away those opportunities they will just keep popping up again until you face them head on as the gifts that they are designed to be. So all in, this means, YOU will still be YOU. For better and for worse. It means that you will be diving into new relationships unresolved and likely just sabotaging a new zip code. Therefore, you are better off, staying put and healing your hurts in a neighborhood of comfort, love and support… and then, once you are restored and whole again, and if you still if the itch to move, and it is motivated by things other than, or in addition to man hunting, by all means, safe travels! But know this, according to the 2000 census, here are your best bets for single men*:
Chattahoochee County, GA
Union County, FL
Jones County, TX
DeKalb County, MO
Crowley County, CO
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Hopefully the 2010 census will yield more favorable results for those of you still wanting to move for love.
Live and love largely,