Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

How to Change Your Man

 He’d be perfect if only he'd grow another few inches. He’d be perfect if only he’d tap into his feminine side. He’d be perfect if only he’d drink less in public. He’d be perfect if only he weren’t so perfect! And the list goes on and on and on.


My dating archives are filled with them… men who made the 98% perfect list and therefore didn’t make the cut… and I’m guessing you have a lot of those too. Men who if they just changed one teeny tiny thing about themselves, just may have been in the running for “the one.” But they didn’t, so they were 86d.


The notion of perfect raises two important thoughts as it relates to dating. One is women’s often constant seeking for perfection… an unhealthy expectation that will ultimately lead us to feeling unfulfilled and… ultimately lonely, as addressed in another post: The Fairytale Fumble.


The other, th e question, “Can you change an almost perfect man into a perfect one?” If he’s 98% there, can you get him to 100%? After all, if you found a near perfect diamond, it would be your duty to polish it into perfection, right?


Read this, slowly and clearly: YOU CANNOT CHANGE A MAN. Now, read it again, slower this time: YOU. CAN. NOT. CHANGE. A. MAN. Even if he really really REALLY loves you.


You see, change, everlasting change comes from deep within. It begins with an acceptance that something within is without, which leads to a desire to want that thing to be different. That desire sprouts determination and that determination fuels change. The initial accepatance simply cannot be assigned by another.

Explore YourTango