“I can’t believe I’m back here again,” sighed my broken-hearted friend, channeling Aiden (from SATC), to which I asked, “Where?” She replied, “Right here. All by myself. Alone…........ Single.” Without taking offense to what I’d like to think of as a prominent role in my dear friend’s life, I understood where she was coming from. She is fresh out of a breakup – a breakup with a guy that she thought could be her forever guy. It's true, uncoupling is never easy. It’s never fun. But it’s not supposed to be. It is supposed to release you from what isn’t perfectly right for you to give you the freedom to continue on your explorative path to get you to what is. Taking a deep breath and knowing this, sometimes can be just what you need to begin healing and reconstructing… that along with re-thinking the meaning of the place called, “here.”
“Here.” Yes, a place that can feel lonely, rejecting, embarrassing, deflating, full of questions, confusing, a place that feels like it can only be comforted by tequila, ice cream, Pringles, boy bitch-fests and the emptying of tissue boxes. But it is also a place of opportunity to grow. To grow strong and wise. A place to clear your head and understand your heart. A place to evaluate where you’ve been (FYI: all your other “here’s” you've experienced are not created equal), where you are and where you want to go. A place to be thankful for your relationship - be it short or long term, every relationship can be considered purposeful if when you arrive at its end, you take the time to look in the rear view mirror critically and unravel it, celebrating the good times and learning from the rocky ones… this makes the time spent in it, instead of seemingly regretful, worth it. And finally “here” is a place to push the restart button. A place to start with a blank canvas again, only this time with more knowledge of the color palette that brings out the best love and life in you.
So remember the next time you feel like you are “here” again, know that to get “there”, to that wonderful, satisfying, healthy love place that you dream of and deserve, you need not be afraid of or defeated by this place, the "here" place, but rather you must live in it constructively and appreciatively. You must learn from it and grow from it to prepare you for the goodness that’s on its way soon... just like Aiden did when he outgrew Carrie and his relationship with her.
Live and love largely,