Do You Like Your Looks? How To Get Real About Looking Your Best

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woman looking in the mirror
YourTango Experts provide practical advice on making peace with your looks.

We all love a good makeover show. Why? It's not because we find the subjects particularly hopeless but rather because the end result is oftentimes a revelation. The person suddenly is... MORE! Usually, such reactions are not the result of a dramatic overhaul, but of a careful fine tuning of a person's assets--assets that were previously hidden. We love makeovers because we also dream about suddenly becoming the best version of ourselves.

When we're living our best lives, it's easier for others to fall in love with us, or to feel happier with the life they're sharing with us. But how do you know how to find that ideal, authentic version of yourself? We asked three experts to share their tips.


Take a good, long look in the mirror.
Taking a look in the mirror is one of those exercises that many of us wrinkle our noses at and rarely feel good about. But by being honest with ourselves, we stay true to ourselves. When preparing for this self-evaluation, remember these 5 things:

1. Pick a day when your mood is positive. Standing in front of a mirror when you're upset or depressed will cause the inner critic inside of you to hold court and start yackin'. Keep that negative voice at bay by choosing to do this activity on a day when you can see both the good and the less-than ideal.

2. Be real with yourself. Most women are not a size 2. We're not a size 4 or 6 either. And most men are not 6'2”; they're shorter. When you compare yourself to people, you open yourself up to false criticism and unrealistic expectations. Feeling Ugly Hurts More Than Just Self-Esteem

3. Compare apples to apples. If you're going to compare yourself to other people, be fair about it. If you're a busy mom with no time to exercise because you're busy chasing the kids, keeping a job and maintaining a home, comparing yourself to the single gal at the office isn't really fair. Take a moment to remember the mom down the street who is about your age... how are things going for her?

4. With the bad, find the good. For each area you don't particularly care for, find one that you love. For example, if you can't stand your tummy, remind yourself of how much you love your smile.

5. Finally, remember that you're not just your individual parts; you're the sum of all of your parts. When you really take note of both the good and the bad, my hunch is that there will be a balanced list of things you want to work on, in addition to things you're truly proud of. Take note of that and remember it when your inner critic comes a callin'.

Melanie Gorman, Counselor/Therapist

Look beyond the physical.
We all have our good hair days and our bad... our "OMG, is that really a pimple on my forehead?!" days and our "Check me out!" days. But there is a way to make your perception of yourself more predictable. Don't just hope for hotness--count on it! But first, you must be willing to honestly and lovingly get to the truth of how you currently feel about you.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
Advanced Member

Melanie Gorman

Business Coach

Melanie Gorman, M.A.

SR. VP YourTango Experts

Phone: 410-923-6905

Location: Crownsville, MD
Credentials: MA
Specialties: Career, Communication Problems, Empowering Women
Advanced Member

Julie Spira

Dating Coach

Julie Spira is America's Top Online Dating Expert and Digital Matchmaker. She's the bestselling author of  The Perils of Cyber-Dating: Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic Looking for Love Online and is the host of #DateChat on Twitter on Thursdays at 5pm/PT, 8pm /ET.  Julie writes and teaches about Internet etiquette and is writing The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Digital Manners. Julie's been featured and quoted over 600 times in the news for her expertise on online dating and relationships including ABC News, BBC, CBS CNN, Cosmpolitan, E! Entertainment, ELLE, FOX, Galtime, Glamour, iVillage, Los Angeles Times, Mashable, Men's Fitness, Men's Health, New York Post, New York Times, Psychology Today, USA Today, Washington Post, WIRED and Woman's Day. Her dating advice has appeared on eHarmony, JDate, Match, POF and Zoosk. Visit Cyber-Dating and share your online dating stories. Follow Julie on Twitter @JulieSpira and Like Julie on Facebook.

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Location: Los Angeles, CA
Credentials: Other
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