Expert Blog Compelling advice, stories, and thought-provoking perspectives straight from YourTango's lineup of Experts to you

BreakUP to WakeUP

BreakUP to WakeUP

It is no secret – breakups suck. Now that we got that out of the way… let’s discuss how breakups can also be the greatest bitchslap in the world of relationship reality. Relationships, particularly unhealthy ones, can keep us in a delusional state. They can make us believe things about our partner, things about ourselves and things about future that simply ARE NOT TRUE. Once the fantasy is shattered to pieces, we have no choice but to face and to accept the truth, as painful as it may be. But as it is said… the truth shall set you free.

I’ve seen it a zillion times before through my own breakups, my friends’ breakups and in my practice. I’ve seen fantasy flushed and reality emerge. And sure, when the fantasy dies, hearts are beaten, bruised and broken which is to be expected, healthy in fact… but the upside, the gorgeously, fabulous, brilliantly awesome upside, is that when fantasy dies, reality can be born, which enables us to be free, free to truly live, free to truly love… to love in a healthy space. Don’t believe me? I’ll prove it to you. Here are one, two, three, four, five pretty damn helpful universal breakup reality checks:

#1: Your man wasn’t perfect. He wasn’t even close! He also wasn’t perfect for you. You deserve someone who is.

#2: Being alone doesn’t have to mean being lonely. You can self-entertain in more ways than one

#3: Your friends are the most amazingly supportive people on the planet. Period.

#4: This was a chapter in your life, not the whole book.

#5: You WILL get over this and actually become even more rockin’ because of it. Now these are just a handful of the ones that apply to all breakups. You can certainly come up with your own reality checks specific to your current or most recent breakup (which I recommend that you do) – those awakenings, those “aha” moments that bring you clarity, that can help you to see the light and move onwards and upwards.

The sooner you can dismiss fantasy and embrace reality, the sooner you can move towards healthy new beginnings. Live and love largely, with open eyes and an open heart, Tristan

More Juicy Content From YourTango:

Explore YourTango