Becoming Your Own Best Friend


Becoming Your Own Best Friend
6 Paths to Personal Best Friendship

I can remember as even a tiny little girl (around 4 years old) my mother telling me “to marry my best friend.” What she forgot to mention (aside from the fact that yes, eventually I might actually not be totally grossed out by kissing, let alone boys), was that I first had to fall head-over-heels in love with me. I first had to truly know what a best friend was and could only do so, by best-friending myself.

Here’s the thing. The best friend you can ever have stares you right in the mirror every morning when you brush your teeth. She is brilliant in every way – kind hearted, intelligent, capable. And it is this best-friendship that can serve as the catalyst to other best friendships, including one with a romantic partner. However if, when you look in the mirror, to gargle, blush up, flat iron or otherwise, you don’t beam brightly with what you see, what you see is not the reflection of a best friend, now is the time to fall in love with you. Now is the time to become your own blood-sister.


Falling madly in love with yourself is all about treating yourself the way you would treat any other friend you adore… with utter kindness, generosity, forgiveness, encouragement and so on. It’s about loving unconditionally, being honest and always showing up for YOU… no matter what. Only when we have arrived as our own best partner in life, can we become the best friends and partners to others.

So how do you become your own best friend? Here’s how…

1. Kiss & makeup with yourself. Whether you have long been at battle with yourself, constantly calling yourself names, discouraging yourself or otherwise being unkind, or if this is a recent state of affairs, it is time to put an end to the war on yourself. Calling a ceasefire of sorts can best be done by either verbally apologizing to yourself for not treating yourself the way you should have been or by writing yourself an “I’m sorry” letter. Personally, I find the latter to be most effective.

2. Honor yourself. Think about why people are attracted to you – what makes them want to spend time with you. Recall compliments you have been given, regardless if you believed them or not. Think about what you offer to the world to make it a more positive place. Remember accomplishments you’ve had and what it took within YOU to achieve them. Jot all of these down to make a comprehensive list of what makes you, uniquely YOU! Read a few aloud each morning, dwelling on the goodness that bubbles inside of you as a reminder of how special and lucky you are to get to be with you all day long. Keep these handy for your less than feel-good moments.

3. Date yourself. Choose three things (out of your normal routine) that you enjoy doing and each week, commit to doing at least one of those alone, not lonesomely but as a gift to yourself. Think of it as a time out from the world – as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. This could be cozying up with a book and a cup of tea at a local coffeehouse, visiting a museum, taking a jewelry making class, feeding the ducks, etc.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
Other Articles/News by Tristan Coopersmith:

How to Get Some HOT Single Girl Action this Valentine's Day!


Being single on Valentine’s Day sucks. There I said it. And it isn’t just THE day that blows, it is all the days leading up to it. It is going to your local Target only to be bombarded with Valentine Day specials. It is the questioning of friends about what you will do on that night to avoid being a lonely heart. It is the Kay Jewelers ... Read more

3 Reasons You Must Stop Shopping for a Husband


There are scads of articles and books written promising a foolproof formula to finding a husband. Usually they include a step by step guide with a guarantee of success in x number of days. If you are a reader of these, time to toss them and whatever manipulation they have down to your head and heart and it is time to get real! The thing is, love takes time ... Read more

Are You Willing to Work For Love?


I’m a big believer in universal energy. I believe that everything in the universe is on loan to us to leverage as we need. I believe that we are born to love and born to be loved. I believe that it is EVERYONE’S divine right to experience rich, gorgeous, healthy, sustainable love. But what I don’t believe is that all you need to do is sit ... Read more

See More

Latest Expert Videos
Must-see Videos
Most Popular