5 ways to date outside of your comfort zone


Same dating style resulting in same loser guys, relationships gone wrong or no dates at all? Hmmm... doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that perhaps it is time for you to rock to a new dating beat. Shake up your dating life with these five moves!

1) EXPAND YOUR DATING PLAYGROUNDS. Eligible guys aren’t only double-fisting it in bars – they are everywhere – bus stops, park benches, grocery store aisles, bookstores, street fairs, yoga classes. You name it – there they are, ready and willing to be dated! By broadening your social boundaries and willingness to fall in like without a Pink cocktail in hand, you will instantly increase your odds of meeting someone new and potentially great. Not to mention happily ever after stories for your future grandkids sound so much sweeter when they don’t include tales of body shots, right?!


Think of any guy who asks you out like a new car – one worthy of a test drive, i.e. a date. Like a prospective vehicle, you can’t know for certain if a guy is a good fit until you give him a spin around the block, play with a few buttons and have a looksie under his hood. So instead of prematurely judging a guy, say “yes” to all date offers (unless he is wearing a house arrest anklet or his name rhymes with Miger Loods) because one who looks like a clunker at first glance, might be undercover vintage!

In the game of love, if you don’t play, you can’t win and sometimes this means taking control of the ball. So instead of passively waiting around wishing upon a star that the cutie across the way will come talk to you or the on-screen match.com gem will wink at you, approach him. Odds are in your favor that not only will he entertain you, he will be impressed with your confident charm. Make a game out of it by challenging your girlfriends to a competition – the first one to meet five new guys in a night wins a mani/pedi.

Free yourself from the pressure of dating by abolishing all preconceived timelines such as when you/he should call, when to have sex, when you should be married by and so on. When you can enter a state where you are just enjoying dating for the natural adventure that it is supposed to be, you will not only enjoy it a lot more, you will instantly become far more attractive to your men, who trust us, are not watching an imaginary clock.

Abolish any thoughts you may have that are negative about dating – thoughts like all the good guys are taken or guys suck or I’m unlucky in love. Surround yourself with people who are positive about dating and adopt an attitude that there is no such thing as a bad date. Instead think of every date as an opportunity to learn something about yourself and what you want/need in a relationship and be prepared to laugh off some of dating’s great absurdities – that’s what besties, brunch and Bloody Mary’s were made for.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Tristan Coopersmith

Marriage and Family Therapist

Tristan Coopersmith, M.A. MFTi

Location: Hermosa Beach, CA
Credentials: BA, MA, MFTI
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