Every man is not created equal and the dating journey allows us to fine-tune our list of wants and needs, thereby giving each of us a customized list of dealbreakers. And while each woman has her own completely legitimate (no matter how quirky!) set of criteria – can’t have back hair, must have health insurance, should have twins running in his family, loves to rollerskate, is George Clooney charming, prefers wine to beer, and so on, there are certain conditions beyond honesty, respect and good communication (the trifecta of any relationship foundation) that every woman no matter what your taste in men is deserves to have in her life’s co-pilot. Here’s a checklist for what you should get from your man:
1. PATIENCE, GENEROSITY AND CONSIDERATION. These are the triplets of kindness, each one of equal importance and none much good without the others. Patience comes through in a man who can deal with tension calmly and productively, looking at life’s challenges as opportunities to teach and to learn. Generosity of mind, spirit, heart, wealth, time – anything you want to share (even dessert!) – your guy must want to share equally with you. And finally, your man should be considerate of your feelings, your time and your goals. He should be considerate how his decisions impact you.
2. A SAFE PLACE TO BE 100% YOU. In a healthy relationship, you should feel safe, liberated and loved enough to be who you are – all the dimensions of your being – all the time… figuratively naked. So if that means you are a buttoned-up badass by day but by night someone who dances around singing into a hairbrush, so be it, a forever guy will not only allow it, he will love it.
3. UTTER ADORATION. Inside and out, every quirk, every “flaw”, every everything about you should be understood and adored by your man. Never should you feel the tendency to be a chameleon, adapting to what you think he wants you to be, because you should already be everything he needs. A good guy will go the extra mile to make you feel great about your insecurities or be supportive of you if you are determined to work on them.
4. FREEDOM. Freedom is an excellent indicator that your man trusts you. Freedom comes in many forms – freedom to have a girl’s only weekend in Mexico, freedom to explore a new career, freedom to be alone – all of which circle back to your man trusting that you are making good decisions that will benefit your individual (and subsequently united) growth.
5. BUTTERFLIES, STILL. When apart for a few hours or a few weeks, for no pinpointable reason, reconnecting with your man ought to give you great warm fuzzies even after countless kisses, unlimited handholds and hugs galore. Maintaining the butterfly feeling is proof that your guy is putting forth the effort to keep romance alive.
6. GREAT SEX. There is no excuse for a man not deliver in the bedroom… if he wants to. After all, there are plenty of tutorials in the form of porn, magazine how to’s, or girlfriends willing to be tour guides to help them get it right. Living a sexually unsatisfied life, simply isn’t living. If a man isn’t willing to put forth the effort to learn what it takes to get to turn you, it is time to turn him off.
7. PRIORITIZATION. No matter how in demand your man is, you should be #1 on his speed dial and never should he bypass a call from you for someone else. It is key for you to know that you can count on him for anything and everything, always. This doesn’t mean that he shouldn’t have a life, he should, it just means that he should be looking out for yours.
8. BELLY LAUGHS. While your man doesn’t need to be a stand-up comedian, he should be able to spike your days with a dose of laughter. Life can be hard and your guy needs to be someone who is dedicated to turning your cloudy days blindingly sunny. We all know laughter is the best medicine and having it as a primary ingredient in a relationship recipe is critical to its short and long term health.
9. TO FEEL HOT! Assuming you are putting the effort in to maintain your appearance, it is your man’s duty to lust after you – to remind you that you got it going on. From complimenting you on an outfit to noticing a new haircut to a for-no-reason-at-all “you are so beautiful” reminder message, your guy should make you feel gorgeous.
10. A GROWN UP. A healthy relationship begins with two people who come together already completed, mature and ready for the great responsibilities that comes with love. Simply, it is not a woman’s job to raise her man. Your Mr. Right should not rely on you to be his life mechanic, thinking you can fix his financial, psychological or emotional problems. He needs to have healed his mistakes and hurts of the past and now be solid and whole so that he is able to face new challenges confidently when they arise as well as be a strong support system for you.