The storm outside my office defined the storm going inside the lovely lady sitting across from me in my office. Her tears streamed down her face, the pain was etched in her eyes, her plea for help. She said. " I just dont understand it," " I try to be perfect." " I work so hard." why cant he see all that I do for him? As I handed her a tissue I asked her, What is the real problem here? Is it you or is it something else? She began to describe her relationship, she said its had its ups and downs like any marriage does. However, lately she felt that her husband was more interested in drinking his whiskey and logging on to porn sites on the internet then he was in her or their children. She stated," I even went to Victoria Secret bought this beautiful negligee, cooked his favorite meal, candlelight, music everything." " He never even noticed me". "What am I doing wrong?"" Why doesn't he love me anymore?" I asked her how long her husband had been drinking, and how much, how often did he drink? She said daily for several years. I asked her how long her husband had been surfing the internet for porn sites. She said she noticed it more frequently this last year but was unsure how long. I began to describe to the lady what addiction is and how easily we can fall prey to its ugly claw. I explained that it sounded like the problem was not all about her but a problem in their marriage. Addiction had stepped in and pushed her out. I explained the ways to help someone you love to get help and take the steps back to being the person they used to be. The man she had married. The lady looked at me and said," How could I have let this happen, right before my eyes." I told her that most people do not recognize addiction till things get really bad. Addiction is sneaky and sly that way. That is how it holds a person in its ugly grip. That day that lady made a decision to change her life, a step toward healing. If your story is similar to hers. Make that call, dont wait, the person you loves life is on the line. Addiction is a ugly monster out to destroy. It takes love , patience, understanding and willingness to do the right thing for our partner. Take the first step. Call for help. Through intervention, treatment and counseling. You and your family can recover from the damages of addiction. Dont wait! My client followed my recommendations she got her spouse the help that he needed. She began to work on her self and learn about codepency and how to build up her self esteem. Her partner worked on his addiction to alcohol and pornography. Today, they are happy, they are connected and living the marriage that they committed to all those years ago. You too can have this happy ending.. Fight the Addiction. Fight for your family..
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Darleena Anderson LPC MHSP NCC