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Why do some women seek affairs outside of their relationships?
By Todd Creager — Last updated on Dec 06, 2023
Both genders are capable of cheating on spouses. However, the reason why a member of a particular gender cheats might be different than a member of the other gender.
(By the way, I am not endorsing cheating!)
So, what are the top 3 reasons why women cheat?
Here are the top 3 reasons why women cheat on the men they love:
1. She feels she's not enough of a priority
She feels that she does not matter to her partner. She feels that the partner never or rarely even thinks about her. Then she meets up with a man who gives her some attention and sparks fly.
Women need to connect and feel taken care of.
I interviewed John Gray, author of Men are From Mars, Women are from Venus and was focused on his latest book, Beyond Mars and Venus.
He talked to me about how despite the awareness of variance these days (we know that men have feminine aspects and women have masculine aspects), stress reduction goes down and happiness goes up as related to a woman’s estrogen level.
When her estrogen level is high, she is happier and less stressed. It seems that the sense of being thought of (a planned romance for example) and taken care of drives up her estrogen. A woman who cheats may be hormonally driven to feel that she matters to someone.
2. She feels her partner does not enjoy her company
He does not seem to desire or like her both in and out of the bedroom. Then, somebody comes along who finds her funny or likes some of her other qualities and it becomes obvious to her that she feels desired in a way she has not felt from her husband in a long time.
Compared to men, women seem to be more kinesthetically stimulated. In other words, women get excited via bodily feelings.
On the other hand, men tend to be excited more through visual stimuli. When a woman feels desired, it is stimulating to her even more so than if a man feels desired.
When it comes to the non-intimate aspects of the woman such as how funny or smart she is, it can also lead to uplifting feelings in her. She may just move in the direction of that person who is stimulating those pleasant feelings and sensations in her body.
3. She knows her partner very well in an intimate way — but her partner does not know her
There is very little meaningful conversation with her partner. She feels emotionally disconnected. A man comes along who is curious about her and she has her first deep and meaningful conversation with a man in a long time. One thing can easily lead to another.
As mentioned above, feeling connected deeply could stimulate her. Research shows that women connecting deeply, whether it is with another woman or a man, will raise their estrogen.
If she begins to experience that closeness of feeling, her estrogen will rise and can lead to more feelings as well.
You can see how all three reasons are related in some way and that it may not be just a psychological phenomenon but a hormonal one as well.
Hopefully, instead of having an affair, the woman can ask clearly for what she wants and get couples therapy if needed.
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Todd Creager is a marriage and intimacy therapist, author, and speaker.
This article was originally published at Todd Creager's website. Reprinted with permission from the author.