Peter Pan was the boy who never wanted to grow up. Many grown men also admit that they are not ready to grow up, especially when it comes to marriage. Some of them outright admit that the idea of marriage makes them feel old or that they still want to have more time to enjoy those carefree bachelor days. Some will just state that they need more time or that they haven’t lived enough of life to “settle down” yet, while other are very specific.
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We had one story about a man who had a list of cities in Europe that he wanted to backpack through before he could feel comfortable about setting down. Of course it’s silly to act like you will never have another moment of fun once you are married. Marriage is not the end of fun and freedom, and most things that we enjoy are even better when we can share them with the one we love. The glaring fact that finally made his girlfriend leave him was that he had not embarked on even one of the adventures on his list during the entire 8 years that they were dating.
This is the man who will claim that marriage is merely a legal document or a piece of paper. The man who has never taken any interest in the law will suddenly cite every nuance of what defines a “common law marriage” to explain why living together really isn’t very different from an official marriage. It doesn’t really matter whether this man is just grasping at straws when he gives this excuse or whether he truly believes it.
Either way, this is not a man that you want to marry. If he doesn’t believe this “piece of paper” excuse, then he is dishonest. If he truly feels this way, then he has no understanding of the importance of marriage and why you value it, which is fundamental to having a lasting marriage.
The Variety Pack Guy
All serial stallers want to keep their options open by remaining single for as long as they can, but the variety pack guy also wants to keep his options open when it comes to his pool of excuses. At any given time he will have 4 or 5 excuses that he tosses out so that he is never backed into a corner when one or two of his excuses are no longer valid. He is the guy who has to wait until his mother is no longer ill, his kids have adjusted to his divorce and he is financially stable. By starting out with this variety pack of excuses he will always have at least one barrier to marriage that remains no matter what turns life takes. Even if he wins the lottery and his mom becomes the picture of health he can still argue that his son who needed to graduate from high school now needs to graduate from college before he is ready to cope with his father remarrying.
So, there you have the most common tactics used by serial stallers.
It doesn’t matter which category he falls into or how convincingly he delivers his excuses. Once a man establishes himself as a serial staller, he has shown that he views marriage as something to be avoided rather than something to be excited about. If he isn’t excited about marrying you, then it is time to find someone who will be thrilled to marry you. Modern marriages have enough obstacles to overcome without starting off with a man who treats the notion of marriage like filing his taxes, going to the dentist or all of those other undesirable things in life that he tries to postpone.
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