8 Ways To Affair-Proof Your Marriage

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8 Ways To Affair-Proof Your Marriage
To keep your marriage on happy side of the statistics, try these tips to make it affair-proof

Wait before saying something really ugly, and make sure you weren't tired or hungry, or in a stressful situation. I'm not saying that you can't confront your spouse if you're tired, hungry, or stressed, because then we'd live in a silent world. But, it's a good idea to recognize situations that tend to accelerate arguments.

7. Be Nice and Listen.

"Duh," you're saying to yourself. But think about it. This is the hardest part about marriage.

Listening. Keeping your mouth closed when the other person is talking.

In my conversations with men and women who have had affairs, the number one reason for pursuing the affair was this: "She listened to me. I mattered to him."

8. Remember These Tools.

Never forget that you have a toolbox of resources to draw on when you feel tempted by an extramarital affair. Here are some tools offered to me by those healing from affairs, insights to keep in mind when you feel that familiar head rush and are tempted to abandon logic for a thrill:


*Don't go there: Don't put yourself in a threatening situation. Skip the conference in Hawaii with the colleague who flirts with you. If you absolutely have to go, avoid all opportunities to be alone with him.


*You've got mail: When you don't know if your email crosses the line into appropriate language, send it to yourself first. Read it again, and ask yourself: would I feel comfortable showing this to my husband?

*Dress with intentions: One woman told me that she saved her lingerie for her husband, and wore the ratty old underwear to the high-school reunion where she'd see a flame from the past.

*Talk about your spouse: A guy friend told me that whenever he is alone with a woman he finds attractive and things are getting uncomfortable, he'll start talking about his wife--what her hobbies are, and how much he loves her. It immediately kills the mood.

This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission.
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