Masochists, Bottoms & Submissives

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If
you want to serve your partner – be the maid, do chores for him/her,
take on given responsibilities for the pleasure of knowing that you are
contributing to his/her life – you may be a service bottom or service
submissive. This is D/s that you can take in a highly mundane
direction, make into a kink-fest, or combine in whatever way suits you.

D/s
is the dynamic that's most easily taken into public unobtrusively. Many
a hot scene can occur when a Dom/Domme has a sub securely under their
control. Heck, partner dancing (swing, salsa, ballroom, tango, etc.),
given the leading and following aspect, is an excellent example of
public D/s. Even remotely controlled vibrating panties, while certainly
a fun sex-toy, can fall under the category of D/s as one party is in
control of the other's physical sensation. Bedtime curfews are a common
D/s form. Think about it.

 

Of
course, submission must be given willingly, and all of these lifestyles
fall into the domain of safe, sane, and consensual (SSC) or risk-aware
consensual kink (RACK). But what if you like… both? That's called
switching, or being switchy. Switches go both ways (not necessarily
sexually). They top sometimes and bottom others, or they dominate some
people and submit to others. Couples who are both switches sometimes
have to negotiate who's going to be in which position at which time!

Switches
aren't the only ones who play both sides. Some submissives also bottom,
some top, and some tops are also sadistic. There are as many varieties,
definitions and degrees as there are people to experience them. I am
submissive and I can bottom, but bottoming isn't going to get me hot.
The hottest scene I ever had involved being tied up and restrained in
public, spanked and flogged – all of which is bottoming. What worked
for me though was the physical proximity of my partner while spanking
me, and the knowledge that I had disappointed him (by disrespecting my
curfew). THAT is D/s. I eventually broke down and cried, giving up the
last bit of my resistance (which takes a lot for me), and it was the
hottest, most emotionally fulfilling scene I've ever had. Who knew?

In
all of these dynamics, negotiation is very important. You cannot get
upset at someone for crossing a boundary about which you did not inform
them. (Well, you can, but
it'll get you nowhere good.) It is therefore of utmost importance to
share with a potential partner what turns you on, what turns you off,
hard limits they must not test, things you've never done but are
willing to try out. This level of communication is one of the most
attractive aspects of "The Lifestyle."*

 
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