Will the Second Time Around Be Worth It?

Love, Heartbreak

Your relationship ended for a reason. Is it worth another try?

I’ve seen plenty of people take their relationship for granted. When they finally realize it, it’s too late. They finally see what they have lost. They fight tooth and nail to get back with their partner. I’ve also seen a lot of people who have been left by an unfaithful or questionable, partner and fought to get back together with them.

Here is my question…Is it worth it?

If you left your partner because they were unfaithful, would you be willing to take them back again? Are you convinced that things would be better the second time around? If you were left by your partner because they thought the grass was greener on the other side and they came crawling back, would you be willing to try again?

Your partners should appreciate you! Even if you didn’t make things easy on them, does that give them the right to cheat? Shouldn't they at least end the relationship before finding someone new? Is there ever a good reason to find a new interest while you are with someone else?

The next question is…How can you ever trust someone that was unfaithful already to change?

How could you know that things will be different? If your answer is that they apologized and promised to never do it again, ask yourself this: Wasn't that an unspoken (or maybe it was spoken) rule of the relationship?

I don't know too many people that jump into a relationship where they give their partners free reign to sleep with as many people as they want to so long as they come home to them. Those that I do know that have had open relationships still seem to have some sort of reasoning, albeit strange to me, behind them.

They may be insecure and feel that they will never find someone unless they give in to the other person's desires. They may be getting something out of it themselves. 

This was the case with a woman I spoke with some time ago. She and her husband were swingers. Not only were they swingers, but he had several of his girlfriend's living in the home he shared with his wife and child. I asked her how this could be ok with her.

She simply told me that he loves her and that all the other women take care of her financial needs. I have to think that somehow it hurt her to know that her husband was content to live this way.

If you weren't enough for your partner to be content to be with you, and only you, how could things ever be different? Sure, he or she may say that they have changed and that they will never do it again, but is it that easy?

Won't the question linger in your head, “Why wasn't I good enough for him/her to just be with me?” If they did not respect you and your relationship enough before, how will things be if you take them back? Aren't you worth more than that? 

A relationship absolutely must have respect. If you don’t have respect, what do you have? Someone who controls things while the other person must live in a silent suffering? Not only is that hurtful, it's demeaning.

I can’t think of anyone in this world that wants to be treated as if their feelings don't matter.  With all of the fish out there in the sea, why would I want to waste more time with someone who didn’t care enough about me to stay loyal?

Obviously, this is still one of those topics that each and every person is going to have to figure out for themselves. 

If you do find yourself in this position, as I'm sure that most of us have at some point or another in our lives, ask yourselves these questions:

1. How do you know things will change?

2. Will you ever really trust this person again?

3. Did you leaving really show them the error of their ways? 

4. Did the fact that you allowed them back into your heart show that you will allow yourself to be treated this way?

5. If you let them back, what will happen in the future if they decide to be unfaithful again? 

My last and final question stems from a great post that I had seen on facebook: Would you stand there idly and watch as your son or daughter allowed someone to treat them the same way you were treated and not say a word?

For more tips on great relationships, click here.

This article was contributed by Rose Leisure.


Explore YourTango