Sex Education for Adults: Tell Them What You Want

By

Sex Education for Adults: Tell Them What You Want
Being comfortable with your partner sexually is a whole new different ballpark.

Being comfortable enough with your partner, especially if they are new, is something that always takes time. Even if you were good (or best) friends before getting serious, feeling relaxed with that person sexually is an entirely different ballpark. As you begin your journey to find a girlfriend or boyfriend, the delicate dance of getting to know someone intimately is often played out without any verbal communication. We’re nervous and afraid of being rejected, so we tend to let them fumble around in the dark without much guidance until they figure it out.

The unfortunate part about this dating ritual we’ve created is that it leaves both partners feeling unsure and possibly even insecure about their abilities in bed or about their bodies. Even more ill-fated is that those feelings can escape the bedroom and begin to harm the relationship even before the relationship really gets a chance to take off!

 

There is also the flipside of this: couples that have been together for a lengthy amount of time, or even married, may have never broken through the barrier of telling each other what they like and what they want. Sexual tension or frustration, un-satisfactoriness, and discontent in the relationship could all be stemmed from the simple fact we are, generally speaking, too afraid to ask for what we want.

I was raised that it’s not lady-like to be confrontational about anything. That includes not asking for what I want, even if it’s simply wanting more free breadsticks at Olive Garden! You can imagine what a mental switch it was for someone like me to go from being too timid to ask for help with an item on a high shelf at the local grocer to asking (and sometimes demanding) things of (and from) my partner sexually. But, if I can do it, anyone can. I promise.

Figuring out when to have critical conversations like this is always a tough question, and it’s a case-by-case basis, depending on the couple. Some partners like tips and advice during activity, some like it before or after. Some (I’m of this party) like to interject it during the most random times, like while watching TV or driving in the car together. But, the most important thing about timing is to do it when you are feeling safe (and you perceive your partner is feeling safe, too).

We are able to have all sorts of conversations with the people we hold dearest.  You have discussions and negotiations on different parts of your relationship: where to eat, what movie to see, what bar to go to; if you go to the basketball game, he’ll go to that play you want to see. These nuances are just a part of the everyday, so why isn’t conversation about sex? I’m not downplaying the importance of intimacy and sex, of course. Infact I’m upping the importance. Something that is a much bigger event than going to the movies should always be on the table for discussion.

Article contributed by

The Romance Code

Relationship Coach

The Romance Code

To Get Help With Your Relationship Now, Click Here...

Location: Norfolk, VA
Credentials: Other
Other Articles/News by The Romance Code:

Want Your Ex Back? 3 Things NOT To Do (And 3 You Should)

By

Some relationships end, and like an episode of Looney Tunes, that's truly all folks. It's time to change the channel. A lot of relationships, however, are salvageable; this is why learning how to win your ex-boyfriend back isn't a waste of time. It's a worthy investment, as long as you're willing to make the effort to make him your ... Read more

Dying To Win Your Ex Back? Consider THIS

By

Getting back with your ex can sometimes feel like a very first date—there are awkward pauses, fits of nervous laughter, and no one is really sure who should pay. But like first dates, figuring out how to fix a relationship and get back with your ex can also be a very rewarding decision, one that you'll look back on in 70 years and be thrilled that you ... Read more

Getting Back Together When You're the One Who did the Breaking Up

By

If you're trying to get your ex back, there's a good chance you were the one who was dumped. Maybe your ex told you they met someone else, or that you couldn't give them what they needed emotionally. Maybe they just left with little explanation, and took the dog. Or, maybe you did something that they deemed unforgiveable and they took off. In any of ... Read more

See More

 
Latest Expert Videos
ASK YOURTANGO MORE QUESTIONS
Must-see Videos
SEE MORE VIDEOS
Most Popular