Don't scare him off. Play it cool and use subtlety to test the waters.
Getting back with your ex can sometimes feel like a very first date—there are awkward pauses, fits of nervous laughter, and no one is really sure who should pay. But like first dates, figuring out how to fix a relationship and get back with your ex can also be a very rewarding decision, one that you'll look back on in 70 years and be thrilled that you made.
Before you lovingly assess the past from the eyes of the old man or woman you ultimately become, you have to actually be successful at your reconciliation attempt. Getting your ex back won't happen on its own. Sometimes, the best way to even broach this subject is to do so subtly; calling up your ex and demanding they take you back, in between bouts of heavy breathing, isn't likely to end well. Instead, keeping it cool may ensure that things go smoothly.
One of the best ways is to go out for coffee—it's quiet, it's casual, and there's not much of a chance that you'll make any regretful decisions after a few shots of espresso. But getting back with your ex involves more than luring them into a Starbucks. It's not where you go but what you say that can make or break your chances.
So before you lead with "Oh my God, I love you so much, please take me back," consider the following instead:
How have you been?
The "how have you been" question serves two purposes when you're getting back with your ex. First of all, it allows you to show your concern for them by asking about their wellbeing. Second of all, it allows you to get a feel for the situation. If you ask them how they've been and they say they've just been throwing themselves into work, you may have an opening. If you ask them how they've been and they have decided to marry God after a lot of thinking, that opening may have loudly slammed shut.
How is your ________?
Most people have something they are passionate about. Maybe your ex loves their job or has a mom who's recently fallen ill. Maybe they have a cherished pet or a friend who has been giving them trouble. Whatever passion they have, or battle they've been fighting, be sure to ask them about it. Showing an interest in their life shows them that you're still invested in them and it does so without you having to get on your knees and beg for a second chance.
What's new in your life?
You may ask "is anything new?" but you will really mean "is anyone new?" Since asking them directly if they are dating anyone comes across like you're exuding pressure, this question is a much better alternative. You might be able to gauge the odds of getting back with your ex simply by their answer.
Do you want to do this again?
Seeing your ex probably brought up a flood of emotions and there's a good chance you want nothing more than to ask them if they'd like to move in with you and start over. But before you beg them to go pick out curtains, remember: play things cool. Asking them if they'd like to get together again is the perfect combination of being casual and moving forward. If they say yes, you'll know that getting back together is a future possibility. If they say no, you'll learn to deal with picking out curtains on your own, at least for the time being.
To learn more about getting back with your ex, click here.