How do you get rid of the 'once a cheater, always a cheater' adage?
Anyone who wants to get back together after breaking up has a hill to climb. This is true no matter the reason for your relationship's end. But, if you want to get your love back after cheating on them, that hill transforms into a mountain...and a steep one.
That's the bad news. The good news is that even steep hills are surmountable. But it almost always takes a lot more effort.
So, where do you start? How do you get your love back when you've had a roaming eye...as well as some other body parts?
First, you must accept that it is possible the relationship is unrepairable: some people will never take someone back after they've been cheated on. Infidelity can be huge in some relationships and not that big a deal in others. But, if your ex is willing to give you a second chance, knowing what to do can also involve knowing what not to say.
Don't Talk About the Person With Whom You Cheated
No matter whom you cheated with — be it a friend, a coworker, or a random person you met at the bar — mentioning them ever is about as smart as bringing up practice to Allen Iverson. To put it simply, if you bring up their name, be ready for a rant.
Some people assume that talking about the other man or woman is acceptable as long as they are talked about in a negative manner — "I don't know what I was doing with Eddie" or "Marsha didn't hold a candle to you." But, in actuality, bringing them up in any manner just reminds your ex that you cheated. It's the equivalent of picking the scab off of a wound that has just begun to heal.
Of course, it should pretty much go without saying that discussing the other person in a positive light will pretty much stop your reconciliation train it is tracks. If you do this, you probably deserve to be single forever.
Don't Say You Were on a Break
Proclaiming that your relationship was on a break didn't work for Ross when he was trying to get back Rachel and it won't work for you either. When you make an excuse about why you cheated or how it's justified, you minimize your actions and the heartache you caused your ex. This is absolutely not what you should do if you want to get your love back.
Instead, take full responsibility for your actions. You can tell them why you cheated — maybe you were angry or lonely or fed up with their long work hours — but don't act like your reason is reasonable. Instead, admit that you hurt them and apologize for it...profusely.
Don't Ask Them to Trust You
Asking someone you've cheated on to trust you is like asking the Buffalo Bills to win the Super Bowl. In other words, it's an erroneous request. You cheated — ergo, you have proven that you are not trustworthy. This makes your request two things 1) futile and 2) infuriating.
Rather, if you want to get your love back after you gave your loving to someone else, you are better off acknowledging that trust must be earned and that it will take time and a lot of effort on your part. You must also be understanding — replace phrases such as "You can trust me" with "I totally get why you don't trust me." Don't make them the bad guy for their unwillingness to give you the benefit of the doubt; you've already taken that doubt out for romp in the hay.
To learn more about how to get your love back, click here.