Tragedy In Connecticut: How To Talk To Your Kids

By The Rev. Christopher Smith. Posted on Dec 14th 2012.

sad daughter leaning on mother's shoulder — The Connecticut tragedy affects us all.

Reverend Christopher Smith offers advice about what to tell your children.

4. Be honest. The fourth thing is to be honest with your children. If they have questions, answer them honestly in a way that is appropriate for their age. Do not give more information than you need to provide. Use your child's questions as a chance to continue to reassuring him/her of his/her safety. For example, if your child asks if a child their age was killed, in addition to honestly answering, you can reaffirm their own safety.

5. Spend time together. The fifth thing is to spend time with your child. Feeling connected to you is a way to help a child. Spending time with you can be reassuring for your child. You are a source of safety and security for your children, especially little ones. If you're in the habit of reading a story at bedtime, make the extra effort to read a story for the next several nights. Maintain consistency.

More from YourTango: How I Honor My Dad On Father's Day (And Every Day)

6. Use your faith. The sixth thing is to use the season and your faith tradition to help you address the situation. For example, if you are Jewish, continue to observe Chanukah, acknowledging the way God provided light, miracles and wonders and that these are still promised. Similarly, if you are Christian, reflect on the messages of Advent (hope, peace, love and joy) and how these messages are still true for your family. You can also pray for those who were affected by the tragedy, asking for God to be with those who are in that different place as they hurt and grieve.

7. Take care of yourself. Finally, make sure you take care of yourself and how you are being affected by this. Think about who you can reach out to. Draw upon your own spirituality as you work with your child(ren).

More from YourTango: A Couple's Guide To Joint Finances

It is possible that some children will not be affected by what took place today in Connecticut. That's okay too. As you focus on helping your child(ren) through their responses to the tragedy, you can help them to not be terrorized in the aftermath. Help is out there that will allow you to ensure that you and your children can return to wholeness and peace.

Want more expert advice?

Article contributed by

View profile

Advanced Member

The Rev. Christopher Smith

Counselor/Therapist

The Rev. Christopher L. Smith, LMFT has served as a national leader around mental health issues both within the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and in professional counseling organizations. He works directly with individuals, couples, families and supervisees as the Clinical Director of Seeking Shalom in New York City. He also brings his insight to help a wider audience through writing, speaking and consultations.

Location: New York, NY

Credentials: LAC, LMFT, LMHC, MDiv, MS, SAP

Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Forgiveness, Spiritual

Website: http://www.SeekingShalom.org

Other Articles/News by The Rev. Christopher Smith:

How I Honor My Dad On Father's Day (And Every Day)

By The Rev. Christopher Smith

My own father died right after Father's Day — a story that has taken some time to be able to tell but which you can read more about. While, in general, we do not think about the mortality of our parents, my father's death was particularly difficult for a number of reasons (not the least of which was that he was only 60 and had not been ... Read more

A Couple's Guide To Joint Finances

By The Rev. Christopher Smith

Couples have to work out a way to take care of financial matters that they both are involved in and this can be as source of conflict within the relationship. These decisions are all about the money — the rent or mortgage payments, the dollars that are spent on the electric bill, the increasing cost of cable or satellite television and the necessary ... Read more

The Unforgettable Money Lesson I Learned from My Father

By The Rev. Christopher Smith

As my father’s death is tied to Father’s Day and as I seek to honor him in the way I live, around Father’s Day I think about the lessons I learned from him and how they have been influential in guiding how I respond to life with wholeness and peace. Many lessons come to mind when I start reflecting, but one about money brings a smile to my ... Read more