4 Reasons You Can Forgive Someone You Love


4 Reasons You Can Forgive Someone You Love
Forgiveness is for you as well as the relationship - find sources in your spirituality to help do it

2. Explore how you, within this relationship, have needed to be forgiven for things that you have done. If you honestly reflect on the history of your relationship, you have done things (intentionally or unintentionally) that you needed forgiveness from the one you loved. What allowed you to receive that forgiveness? What allowed the one you love to forgive you? Pay attention to the fact that you have needed forgiveness, what allowed this to occur and what effect this had on both of you and your relationship.


3. Explore how not forgiving is affecting you. Is not forgiving is allowing the anger and resentment to spread or affect other areas of your life or relationship? Are you being changed in negative ways because of your emotions or focus on having been wronged? Consider whether all of this is getting in the way of being the person that you want to be. Also, consider whether you have allowed yourself to be in touch with your emotions about what has happened. Pay attention to how you are being affected and how you will be changed by letting go of your anger and resentment.
4. Explore what you can learn from the situation and how this may manifest itself in the relationship. Is the situation that is impacting you part of a pattern of comments or behaviors that needs to be discussed? Is there something that you need to do different to protect yourself from being hurt again or is there something that you need to act the one you love to do differently? Pay attention to what can be done to be less likely to have the situation recur.
Focusing on these things can help you get to the point where you will be able to forgive. Learning from your spirituality can enable you to get to the point of forgiving. When you forgive, your own mental health will be helped and you will have the possibility of restoration within your relationship. As a result, you will have been able to find the peace and wholeness that you seek.

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

The Rev. Christopher L. Smith

Marriage and Family Therapist

The Rev. Christopher L. Smith, LCAC, LMHC, LMFT has served as a national leader around mental health issues both within the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) and in professional counseling organizations.  He works directly with individuals, couples, families and supervisees as the Clinical Director of Seeking Shalom in New York City.  He also brings his insight to help a wider audience through writing, speaking and consultations.

Location: New York, NY
Credentials: LAC, LMFT, LMHC, MDiv
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Forgiveness, Spiritual
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