The Loch Ness Monster of Relationships: The Soul Mate


The Loch Ness Monster of Relationships: The Soul Mate
Do they really exists? Can you really find "the one" amongst the billions of people on earth?

From blogger Diana P.

In romantic comedies, the heroines are often looking for their soul mates, and after going through a few obstacles, they either find them or realize that their soul mates were right before their eyes. And of course, they live "happily ever after."


Do you believe in soul mates? That one person who you have a deep, unbreakable connection to, who makes you feel complete, and who you can't live without?

As much as I love the idea of a soul mate, I'm not sure they exist. And here's a few reasons why:

  • There are billions of people on this earth. What are the odds of actually finding your soul mate? What if your soul mate lives half way across the world and speaks a different language? How on earth are you going to find him?
  • What happens if you meet your soul mate and he dies? Are you destined to not be in a happy relationship again, ever again? Or can you have more than one soul mate?
  • What if you meet someone after your soul mate dies? Is this relationship doomed to fail? Is it a "lesser" relationship because he is not your soul mate? How do you get over the fact that this guy isn't your soul mate?
  • What if you break up with your soul mate? Was he really not your soul mate? Or can a person lose his soul mate status?

Jessica Simpson recently said in an interview with Redbook magazine:

"You can have a soul mate and be madly in love with that person, but it's not necessarily enough. I think you have to have personalities that mesh well. You have to be the yin to their yang. You also have to be open to figuring things out together and communicating even when it's the last thing you want to do."

Jessica's not the naive young woman we saw on Newlyweds many years ago. You can sense that she's still a bit of a romantic, but she knows that relationships take work. Sometimes, a lot of hard work.

In long-term relationships, there's a lot of ups and downs. There are periods where you're deliriously happy; periods where you're just content, and periods where you're down right unhappy.

Does having a soul mate mean that you're only deliriously happy? Or does having a soul mate help you to better weather the storm? Do soul mates ever get divorced or break up?

I think, perhaps, there is such a thing as a soul mate. But it's not a badge you award a person at the beginning of the relationship when everything is new and exciting, but when the relationship has weathered a few storms and came out stronger. Maybe it's a status that is earned when a couple grows and learns more about each other as time passes. And that is something I can believe in.

What about you? Do you believe in soul mates? Are you with your soul mate? What makes him your soul mate?

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YourTango Expert Partner is a first-of-its kind program for more fulfilling relationships. Through online videos, fun interactive activities and a private social network, women learn the secrets to a happy, long term, loving relationship.

Location: Honolulu, HI
Credentials: PsyD
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