A revolution takes courage and persistence from one entity to overthrow another entity of status quo. Similarly, one person starts significant change in a marriage. It is extremely rare for two people at the same time to have the same motivation to change the same problem in the same way.
Kay and Arnold are just like other couples who fear conflict and who try to avoid it at all costs. And, like many of those couples, their marriage was on its way to dying a slow death.
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Such couples deprive themselves of spontaneity, free speech and the energy and insight that come from spirited disagreement and expression of contrary opinions. In an effort to avoid conflict around opposing desires or passions, they maintain an illusion of stability, and they can pay a huge price as a result.
While Kay had the courage to start the revolution by buying airplane tickets and paying for the couple's intensive getaway week, she could not talk to Arnold about her deep loneliness and frustration. Neither of them had the tools nor motivation to embark on what surely would have been one whopper of a fight if she persisted in having "the talk." And a fight is what each dearly hoped to avoid.
She did though find the courage to put their marriage on the line, to do what needed to be done. Then, with the help of Steve Carell as Doctor Feld, they peel away the layers of the onion. With nuanced conversation, non-verbal expressions that speak volumes, and the revelation that honesty wouldn't destroy them, they began to look in their emotional closets.
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At one point before leaving for the intensive week, Kay and a friend have a brief conversation about whether change is really possible in a marriage. Her friend declares that it's not, but Kay doesn't settle for that answer. My wife and I applaud Kay, as we see continued and inspirational evidence that change is possible in our couples therapy practice. 6 Myths That Will Ruin Your Marriage