Pause. It is best to pause before committing yourself to something you don’t want to do. If you can’t come up with the no on the spot, and you know you want to, sometimes the best solution is to say, “I’ll get back to you on that” to buy yourself some time. Then, once you’re home (or at least out of the situation) you will be able to look at everything more objectively and gain clarity about whether or not you want to say yes.
Consider whether or not it is worth it.
Consider how you felt when you were asked. Did you feel happy or thrilled to help, or did you feel a weight in the pit of your stomach. That should give you a hint as to whether or not you should say yes.
Respect your own boundaries and time. When you do that, you might find that people respect you more, in general.
Realize you always have a choice. Thinking you are being coerced into doing something is pure victim thinking. You always have a choice AND the right to say no. As my mentor says, “No is a full sentence.”
Consider what you might be getting out of saying yes, even if it’s negative. Sometimes we like to feel needed or included.
Find a way to say no so that you don’t feel like a big ole meany, cuz you’re not. But you can let people down gently. For example, “I know sometimes it’s hard to find someone to do that job but I simply don’t have the time to commit in order to do the best job possible. Thank you for considering me and if I think of anyone who might be able to do it, I’ll let you know.”
Don’t apologize and don’t make excuses. You can say it nicely without creating a whole litany of reasons why you can’t (more people pleasing behavior).
Consider your time as precious. Who you give it to should be extremely deserving and you should feel good about giving it to them.
While there are situations where you give back when it’s inconvenient, a general rule might be, “If it feels like a huge burden, it probably is.”
It’s important to realize how valuable your precious time is. When you say yes to things you don’t want to do, you are disrespecting your divine self.
Remember, worshipping the divine, however you see it, does not include people pleasing. So be honest with your divine self, k? And if you are going to please anyone, why not please you?
AFFIRMATION OF THE DAY:
Today I begin the art of self care by learning to set boundaries and not apologizing for who I am or what I want. I will take the time to consider my position before saying yes. I will say no when I mean no.