Each person needs to address his/her own fears in the relationship. The pursuer needs to find a way to cope with his/her fear of abandonment and make emotional space for the avoider to take action. The avoider needs to face his/her fear of being overwhelmed emotionally and bridge the emotional gap between him/her and the pursuer. Finding a healthy balance is attainable.
2. Be respectful of yourself and your partner at all times. Take a time out if you feel angry or resentful. Journal about your resentments and try to find a solution before talking to your partner. Learn to articulate your feelings in a non-threatening way. Be ready for your partner to say your solution doesn't work. Ask for his/her solution; he/she might have a great idea. Be a safe person for your partner. Your partner can be your best ally and friend.
3. Choose to bring novelty to your relationship. Bring home flowers, take each other on a date, go on an adventure together, spend time doing a project together, ski, hike, bike, craft, take photos of birds — you get the idea.
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It is vitally important to remember your goal of being satisfied in your relationship. Helping your partner feel emotionally safe with you is the key to your satisfaction in a long-term relationship. Bringing novelty will spark the flames of romance only if you both feel emotionally safe and connected.
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