Rihanna, What’s The Allure Being With A “Bad Boy”?

By

Rihanna, What’s The Allure Being With A “Bad Boy”?
Is it Love or Obsession? What makes for an Unhealthy or Healthy Relationship?

Why would a talented young woman with so much promise choose a relationship with a man who abused her?  There have been recent rumors floating around that Rihanna is secretly dating Chris Brown, who was convicted of domestic violence during their relationship.  Now, Rihanna has been announced as one of the Time Magazines 100 Most Influential People in the World. What message are we as a culture sending young girls about sexuality when one of our most influential young women of our time has dated a “Bad Boy.”  Honestly, I don’t know Rihanna or Chris, and I can’t speak to whether or not they are dating. What I would like to speak about is the allure women feel being attracted to a bad boy.


Many times women and men misunderstand what love means. We are all bombarded with images of romantic love which is in the early stages of a relationship.  For many of us, it is the only type of love we understand.  Romantic love is intertwined with intensity and we equate this intensity as love. The “allure” for a “bad boy” can become quite intoxicating and obsessive.  His avoidant, lone ranger, mysterious, confident style is code for “love avoidant.”  His avoidance gives room for “interpretation and fantasy by his partner.”  Here is an example of a common dance: His avoidance leads to your abandonment feelings being triggered, which leads you to pursue him, which leads to him feeling suffocated, which leads to him to pull away, which leads to your feeling abandoned, and round and round we go.  This love obsessed, and love avoidant dance in the relationship plays out as intensity. Intensity and love are two different things.


How do you know if you are feeling “true love” or “intensity” or both?  This is a difficult question to ask and begins by learning more about yourself.  Ask these questions and be Honest.  Did I grow up experiencing physical or sexual abuse? Did I grow up emotionally or physically neglected? What was my relationship like with my father? What was my relationship like with my mother? How did I relate to other children, my peers? Do I look for a partner who “excites” me or a partner who is “safe and predictable?” Do I find people who are “safe and predictable” boring? Am I attracted only to people who are “mysterious” and “unpredictable?” Any yes answers, speak to a perfect storm for obsession and addiction in relationshipsWebster’s definition of Addiction is:  A compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance (as heroin, nicotine, alcohol or a feeling state) characterized by tolerance and by well-defined physiological symptoms upon withdrawal; broadly: persistent compulsive use of a substance (or feeling) known by the user to be harmful. 

Article contributed by
Advanced Member

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

If you have wondered about your relationship and yearned for something more intimate and fulfilling, sign up for my FREE Relationship Analysis. You will get relationship advice which will help you move you closer to your ideal.

Live Life Abundantly!

 

Location: Gig Harbor, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
Other Articles/News by Teresa Maples:

Is He Addicted To Porn? 8 Ways To Help Him

By

One of the ways that relationships go sideways is when one or both partners have an addiction. That addiction may be to alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, shopping or even to the Internet, particularly pornography. Recent studies have shown that Internet addictions can actually change brain activity in humans. In a 2014 study porn users had a smaller reward ... Read more

Want A Better Marriage? Look At Each Other

By

Have you ever wondered what it is that attracts us to one person over another? It’s what we see in their eyes. Some call this love at first sight. We recognize something familiar in that person’s gaze, which draws us to them. In long-term relationships, many couples are so focused on raising kids, going to work and dealing with a thousand other ... Read more

Married To A Sex Addict? 14 Signs That They Are Recovering

By

If you are reading this article, you are most likely a concerned person who cares about a sex addict and wants what is best for them. I applaud you. You are a caring and giving person who has the best interest of the sex addict in mind. You have empathy or the ability to feel and understand what another human being is going through. I challenge you to use these ... Read more

See More

GET MORE ARTICLES LIKE THIS IN YOUR INBOX!

Sign up for our daily email and get the stories everyone is talking about.

Ask The Experts

Have a dating or relationship question?
Visit Ask YourTango and let our experts and community answer.

FROM AROUND THE WEB