4. Validate each other's feelings. As children you may have gotten the message that it's not okay to feel. Were you told 'stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about?' Phrases like this invalidate a child's ability to define her own experience and feelings.
Validating feelings helps a person to trust their own emotions. Rule of thumb: listen and repeat back your partner's feelings in your own words, expressing that you understood what you heard. Ask your partner if he wants advice or ideas for problem-solving. Be ready for him to say no.
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5. Expect to make mistakes. Learn from your relational mistakes. Each emotional or behavioral mistake is an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your partner. Learning about each other's feelings is the way to develop your emotional intelligence. The more you learn, the deeper your relational intimacy becomes.
Learning to do these steps will rock your world! The loneliness that you are feeling now will be replaced by safety, tenderness and a newfound closeness between you and your partner. Feeling emotionally connected will have an amazing effect on your sexual intimacy, too. The rewards of opening up to another person are profound. Vulnerability is the key to emotional intimacy. Sharing your inner most feelings and being accepted is a basic human need and can be incredibly healing. Will you choose to open up in your relationship?
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