9 Emotional Triggers & What To Do About Them

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9 Emotional Triggers & What To Do About Them
Move from Surviving to Thriving in your relationship. Journey to Abundant Life as a Couple.

9.You make me feel bad. Try changing it to, “I feel bad when you (ie call me names).

The desired effects of "you" statements are to disengage from the relationship. The person is effectively saying, “you are not important to me.  I must protect myself from you.”  The couple ship is now not safe and secure for either partner because the trigger has been engaged, and they are both responding from an emotional reaction. The underlying feelings typically can be fear, shame, abandonment or worthlessness.  No one likes to feel those emotions.

By switching to "I feel" statements, the relationship can more easily remain intact.  Your partner may be more willing to make a repair and help you heal.  In a way, by owning your feelings, sharing them with love, you more effectively get your and the relationship needs met. 

Your relationship can be a safety zone for both of you if you work on it throughout your lives.  One word of caution, if your partner does not invest in your relationship and refuses to grow, you have a hard decision to make.  Many people choose obsessions and addictions over relationships. Your partner gets to make that decision.  Your job is to see reality at all costs and adjust to what you can live with. 

Remember, Any couple can Journey to Abundant Life if both of you are willing to grow and change over time. 
 

Article contributed by

Teresa Maples

Counselor/Therapist

Teresa Maples MS, LMHC, CSAT, CMAT

Wanting something more from your relationship?, Join my newsletter. and you will recieve free practical relationship tools helping you develop a closer more connected relationship.

 

Location: Tacoma, WA
Credentials: CMAT, CSAT, LMHC
Specialties: Couples/Marital Issues, Infidelity / Affair Recovery, Sex Addiction
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