If you want to disclose your indiscretions with respect and deepen intimacy in your relationship, you will want to interview counselors and check to see if they include the following steps. These 7 steps are parts of a disclosure process that should be included.
1. Several counseling sessions as a couple to explain the process and identify a timeline for disclosure.
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2. Several counseling sessions individually with each partner to prepare them for the disclosure.
3. Guidelines for individual support and safety
4. Use of a written disclosure letter, detailing only behaviors that you engaged in that affect your partner. In example: you would say, “I engaged in daily online pornography and masturbation for 2 years, and met with a prostitute 3 times.” You would not share all the feelings, details and reasons for behaving in this way, as it can cause more harm to your partner.
5. The partner then responds to the disclosure letter with a written letter expressing his/her feelings about your behaviors and how it affects him/her.
6. The disclosing partner would then write an empathy letter to the betrayed partner with the help of the therapist.
7. A process of forgiveness and rededication for the relationship and one another. Many couples choose to have a rededication or re-commitment ceremony or other ritual to put the past behind symbolically and begin to build true intimacy together.
The process of disclosing is not a one-time event.
It takes time, preparation, and willingness for both partners to go through this process. One of the consequences may be that your partner wants to leave the relationship. The reason this happens, is that their world has just been turned upside down. What they thought was a decent relationship turned out to be something else, and they realize how much they lived in a fantasy world. They now have the reality of who you are and need time to incorporate this new knowledge. Partners need time to heal and recover from the knowledge of the betrayal. 5 Love Lessons From Olympic Athletes [EXPERT]
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